I am awake!
After midday…
POETRY
(sort of)
Roland Michel Tremblay
44E The Grove,
Isleworth, Middx,
Tel: +44 (0)20 8847
5586
Summary
The astonishing power of emotions
Did you forget to put a smiley face on
it?
How did we get to be so far gone?
You’re the one thing I can count on
Who’s that fucker talking in the background?
It is never time to think of retirement
I’m just about ready to kill
someone
Everywhere I go I cause a panic
Are there any drugs left in this
house?
What else could I do to destroy
you?
I’m just about ready to kill
myself
I will motivate a whole planet!
I feel great! How do you feel?
You have no idea the life I am
leading
You just don’t care, you have to go
No one will ever understand you
Absolute elation in my own
illusions
Despite anything you will live
You are beyond anything that ever
was
I’m the queer, you’re the queen
One way or another, we will be
free
Only read into it what it tells you
Life is the search for the perfect
title
Your thoughts become your world
This is the beginning of
something huge
A great destiny is awaiting you
I am awake!
The most direct way to
heaven
Is to be deaf
Is to be blind
Is to remain ignorant
Of all that anyone
could say
Of anything you could
witness
Of anything you could
ever become aware of
As there is not one
angel around you
Never could there be
An angel around you
As we are all the same
And none of us could
ever
Find the way to heaven
Lies and more lies
Is what defines a
nation
From the high ends to
the low ones
Is all you could ever
find
More lies
Enough to fill any
bottle
None of which you would
be crazy enough
To send out at sea
For anyone to find
Better keep it secret
That we’re all hopeless
The most direct way to
heaven
Is to be deaf
Is to be blind
Is to remain ignorant
It is the only way to
heaven
No interaction
No contamination
Do not at any rate make
contact
With this lost humanity
It will be your
downfall
Let it die
As it cannot fail to
happen
Crumbling under all
their negativity
Until it shrinks to
nothingness
If you somehow remain
innocent
To all those crimes
against humanity
Perpetrated by humanity
If you somehow remain
innocent
To anything remotely
human related
Then maybe, just maybe,
you might reach heaven
Your most direct way to
heaven
Is to be deaf
Is to be blind
Is to remain ignorant
But you were born
You’re not deaf
You’re not blind
You’re not ignorant
It is too late for you
You will never ever
Reach heaven
You were so predictable
You were so damn stupid
How could we have ever
hoped
For you to think for
yourself
To be deaf to stupidity
To be blind to
foolishness
To be knowledgeable
enough
To find the truth for
yourself
In a world of lies
It is too late for you
You will never ever
Reach heaven
None of us will
How could we
In such a world?
The direct way to
heaven
Is to never be born
Never be born
Never be born
I’m hysterical again
I’m so sorry
I tried so hard
Not to be out of
control
I just can’t help it
You drive me mad
You drive me to
insanity
I wish I could see a
way
To remain reasonable
Logical
Sane
For that
You would need to be so
yourself
But you’re not
I’m hysterical most of
the time
It is all down to you
What have you done to
me?
What is your problem?
Why do you drive all of
us
To the brink of
hysteria?
Is there a need for it?
Does it serve some
obscure purpose?
What have you got to
gain
From a world on the
brink of war?
I’m hysterical again
I’m not sorry anymore
I tried so hard in vain
Not to be out of
control
I could never have
helped it
You drive me mad
You drive me to
insanity
There is no way I could
be balanced
To remain reasonable
Logical
Sane
For that
You would need to be so
yourself
But you could never be
You could not help it
You have a problem
You cannot help but
drive all of us
To the brink of
hysteria
There is no need for it
There is no purpose for
it
You have nothing to
gain
And yet, this world is
on the brink of war
It’s a sad world
I am hysterical
This is all you can
bring in people
So I will no longer
apologise
I’m afraid
You have only yourself
to blame
I’m afraid
There will be war
What do you know of
genocides?
What about wars?
People dying in
slavery?
200 million deaths in
the last century alone
You have miscounted
The greatest genocide of
all
is the whole of
humanity
It happens everyday
everywhere
As soon as our soul is
as good as dead
Living in a society doing
its best to kill everything
I have a dead soul
It is quite possible
It was only alive for a
few years
And immediately it was
snatched away from me
All day long
I share this existence
With dead people
Who know nothing of
what life is
And what it could be
They’re working very
hard
To achieve the greatest
genocide possible
They have succeeded
Simply because we let
them succeed
I long for a world of
freedom
Where one could at
least feel elated
Once in a while
Instead, I am
struggling
To find ways
To vent more
frustrations
Such anger boiling
inside of me
You don’t want to be
there when it explodes
Of the greatest
genocide of all
Just as we are all
contributors
To the mass killing of
humanity
With no wish whatsoever
to change anything
This planet is
populated by six billion zombies
All dead in their soul
The soul of humanity is
dead
The greatest genocide
of all
I am awake
It is so rare that I
can say those words
Most of the time
I just do my job
I come home to find my
bed
I sleep hours and hours
Just to come back to
life again
Just to go back to work
and die
Again
I am awake
Constant bitching
Favouritism
Unfairness
Injustice
Discrimination
Is all I need
To go right back to
sleep
Forever and ever
Until I die for good
For a long time
I thought
The only way I could be
awake
Was through my dreams
But then, I am not
awake
Am I?
I am awake
For such a short time
Whenever they cross the
line
Whenever they reach my
limits
Whenever I can no
longer suffer them
When it needs to come
out
When I need to do
something insane
When I need to detonate
When I feel I have lost
all hope
I awake
I think
I try to put it all
back in perspective
I search for ways out
I only find desperation
I am awake
But so barely
What do I need to do
To wake up for good
From this nightmare?
Would peace ever come?
Happiness?
Something worth living
for?
Give me one reason
To remain awake
Under conditions
Not called from anger
and despair
One reason
Quick!
Too late
I’m back to sleep
Forever and ever
I will admit as much
I don’t make it easy
for myself
I do talk
I do attack
I do explode
Am I to Blame?
Good question
Well
I could stop talking
I could stop attacking
I could stop exploding
Well
I could also stop
living
Stop existing
Be a complete drone
Just like a computer
With a basic language
Awaiting commands
And obey until its
components finally fail
So
Am I to blame?
Oh, what a great life
that would be
I would never get into
trouble
I would never be told
what to do and what not to do
I would be perfection
re-incarnated
However
I would no longer be a
human being
Not that I ever thought
That I ever was one to
begin with
It could be worse
though
Much worse
You try very hard to
make it impossible
You turned me into
Your scapegoat
This is not acceptable
For wishing to feel
alive
Am I to blame?
You
Have a complex of
superiority
You
Are on a power trip
You
Abuse your powers
You
Treat us like children
You
Are patronising
You
Believe you can control
our lives
You
Turn us into miserable
human beings
You
Turn us into monsters
For your blindness
Am I to blame?
You’re all surface dear
Only surface dear
You are such a nice
person
You are so white
You are so pure
You are so perfect
You are so fantastic
You are so beautiful
You are so cool
You are so intelligent
You’re full of shit
Warning hot surface!
You’re all surface dear
Only surface dear
I sometimes wonder
What you must have gone
through
To have become what you
are
To come to act the way
you do
Constantly stating how great
you are
Such insecurity
This great fear of not
being accepted
Rejected for whatever
reason
I feel so sorry for you
I pity you
But when you declare
war on me
I’m sorry
But I have to tell you
You are but a bitch
You’re full of shit
Warning hot surface!
You’re all surface dear
Only surface dear
I am sorry I have to
tell you
Not that anyone truly
cares
And you almost
convinced me
But
You are not a nice
person
You are not pure
You are not perfect
You are not fantastic
You are not beautiful
You are not cool
You are not intelligent
You’re full of shit
Warning hot surface!
You’re all surface dear
Only surface dear
Such a shame
Because it wouldn’t
take much from you
To be what you say you
are
You almost convinced me
I liked you
I admired you
I wanted to be your
friend
You destroyed it all
Perhaps because you
cannot accept who you are
I feel sorry for you
I pity you
You’re disconnected
from reality
You’re full of shit
Warning hot surface!
You’re all surface dear
Only surface dear
A delinquent?
You?
I have more delinquency
in my small finger
Than in all the image
you project
You are
An institution all by
yourself
You never fooled me
With your skinhead
With your tribal
earrings
In all the right places
With your sadomasochist
side
With your leather black
suit
With your innuendos
Dear God!
I knew it!
In the end
You are
An institution all by
yourself
You think you are the
all mighty
That you control
everything
Yeah!
You’re a control freak
Your fake image
Serves one purpose only
We open up
We admit it
We incriminate
ourselves
I didn’t fall for that
I knew
You are
An institution all by
yourself
Anyone spending so much
time
In front of a mirror
Getting ready to look
the way you do
Presents no danger to
anyone
Whatever the delinquent
image you project
However
You do represent a real
danger
You set a trap
You have the authority
You can annihilate
someone’s career
You have that power
You abuse it
After so many years
I’m afraid to say
Beyond any hope
You are
Institutionalised to death
I hope
Such a frightening
thought
Kills you in the end
So!
Are you beefy or
chicken flavour?
Sometimes I think I
smell a fish
I will admit as much
You have impressed me
You are the strongest
woman I have ever met
You have the greatest
personality I have ever seen
You are also the
greatest fag hag anyone ever had
Not my fag hag,
unfortunately
The fag hag of others
It is well known that
every single woman
Every single lesbian
Hate me to death
God knows what I have
done to them
I guess it is because I
am ultimately a man
Not camp enough to appear
inoffensive
So!
Are you beefy or
chicken flavour?
Sometimes I think I
smell a fish
We fought hard
We battled like mad
ones
Argued, argued and argued
Dear me
What did we argue
about?
It seems we just fight
for the sake of it
Because this is who you
are
This is your
personality
This is why you have no
boyfriend
As you say
No one will have you
Even that I admire
So!
Are you beefy or
chicken flavour?
Sometimes I think I
smell a fish
For once
Here is someone who is
not self important
Here is someone who is
important
Just for existing and
being in a room
I must recognise myself
in that
How else could I admire
it so much?
I’m sure, we’re both
struggling
With such externalised
personalities
Talking faster than we
can think
Talking before we think
mostly
Which might explain
Why we are always in
trouble
And there is no hope
for people like us
So!
Are you beefy or
chicken flavour?
Sometimes I think I
smell a fish
However, moreover, but,
whatever
You didn’t use to look
the way you do
There was a time when
you were just what I am now
Nothing
You looked that too
Nothing
You are still girly,
aren’t you?
How can someone so
strong minded
Be so childlike in so
many ways?
I can see the cracks
There are always cracks
Sorry I noticed
Well, no one can be so
perfect
So!
Are you beefy or
chicken flavour?
Sometimes I think I
smell a fish
I don’t care
I know you are a bitch
I don’t care
I know you control my
existence
I don’t care
I will still marry you
I don’t care
For once, I might even
get a hard on
I think I smell a fish
Oh so… meaty
I bet you would like to
know
Who I am
Would you like to know
Who I am?
Do you know
Who I am?
I am sorry that no one
knows
Who I am
How could you know
Who I am
Do you think you know
Who I am?
I have been searching
I have looked around
I have tried to figure
out
Who I am
I don’t know
Who I am
So, do you really think
that you know
Who I am?
Do you feel it is
possible for you to find out
Who I am?
Is there any way
possible that you could know
Who I am?
When I don’t even know
myself
Who I am?
If it is so, you’ve got
to let me know
Who I am
Before it is too late
Before I shoot myself
Who are you?
Falling from the sky
Falling from nowhere
Nicely placed there
into my life
For me to suffer ever
more
Who are you?
You seem to know
everything
You can dissect the
world
You dissect me
As if all was known to
you
Really, what could you
possibly know?
I don’t know you
How could you know me?
I don’t know the world
How could you know the
world?
I don’t know anything
You know nothing
Judging is so easy
Have a quick look at
anything
For five long minutes
And here you come
Making the judgement of
the century
Never thinking about
the consequences
Never looking back at
the consequences
Go on and on and on and
on and on
For posterity
To understand and be
enlightened
Who are you?
I don’t know you
You don’t know me
What do you know of
this world?
Nothing
So
Perhaps
You should
Just
Shut up
And get lost
The astonishing power
of emotions
The Astonishing Power
of Emotions
Will certainly soon
annihilate
Just about
Everything
That remains
Of this world
Did you forget to put
a smiley face on it?
Did you forget?
Did you forget to be
happy?
To convince yourself
That everything was
great?
That everything
Was just so perfect?
Did you?
Did you forget?
Did you forget to put a
smiley face on it?
Shame on you!
Oh what a disgrace
I am so disappointed
How could you
How could you?
How could you forget?
How could you forget!
To put a smiley face on
it?
We are living in a
perfect world
A world that the first
moron
Can create in its image
We are here in this so
perfect world
Creating it as we go
along
All of us to the last
retard
Here we are
This is now the world
We present it to you
In such a manner
That none of you will
ever understand
What this world is
truly about
But hey
Here’s a bunch of rules
You better follow them
Or else
Dear me
All hell will break
lose
Did you forget?
Did you forget to be
happy?
To convince yourself
That everything was
great?
That everything
Was just so perfect?
Did you?
Did you forget?
Did you forget to put a
smiley face on it?
How could you
How did we get to be
so far gone?
How did I get to be so
far gone?
I cannot tell you where
I am
I cannot convince
myself where I am
I believe I exist
In so many different
places at once
Must be in this world
of dreams
Must be in this world
of memories
That I cannot pinpoint
When I wake up
What this life is all
about
Where I am
What I am supposed to
do
How did I get to be so
far gone?
I am halfway here
I am halfway there
I wake up today here
I wake up tomorrow
there
I don’t know where I am
I am everywhere
In all those places at
once
I feel so wonderful
here
I feel so awful there
I feel so great there
I feel so bad here
I don’t know where I am
I do not want to know
where I am
How did I get to be so
far gone?
I guess I have lived
More than most
All those experiences
That I was so eager to
acquire
Ready to sacrifice
everything
In the name of freedom
In the name of adventure
I have gone there
I have done that
I am now here
God knows what I am
doing now
I cannot think anymore
I do not want to think
anymore
Of what was
And what is
And what might be
How did I get to be so
far gone?
I travelled far
So many places I called
home
All were my home
As I never had one
Everywhere I have been!
Everyone I have met!
Now
Can I choose, can I
decide
Where I want to be?
With whom I want to be?
Or is it too late?
Or am I actually there
Where I want to be
With whom I want to be
As I feel it to be
As I feel I am
So strongly
I just don’t know
How did I get to be so
far gone?
You’re the one thing
I can count on
I should have known
There is but one thing
only
One thing only
That I can truly count
on
That thing
Is you
Sorry!
Sorry
I should have never
abandoned you
I should never have
treated you this way
I should never have
replaced you
So unkindly
With such words
Oh…
Can you ever forgive
me?
Can you just take me
back?
As if I had never left
you
For so many years
And for so far away
I don’t know what I was
thinking
I must have been lost
On some weird planet
In the pursuit of such
dreams
We all know that none
of them
Could ever have come
true
Whimsical life
Filled with infatuations
God!
Did the grass looked
greener over there
In the middle of the
desert
Couldn’t have been more
blind
The perfect excuse
To explain everything
Grass grows in the
desert
It looks so imposing
So life defining
Everything
I was right to think
whatever I thought
I was right to leave
you
For a while I got all I
wanted
All I wished for
All that I worked so
hard to get
Such a construction
Such a creation
I had it all
Whilst you were
Somewhere else lost
None existing
I was so happy
Enjoying such freedom
Never again will I ever
experience this
Why I am getting back to
you exactly?
Am I so bored with
whatever else exists on this planet?
Are you fulfilling this
hole as I expect you should?
Is it true then
That I can always count
on you?
No matter what
No matter how I just
abandon you there to rot
Whilst I go around doing
the unthinkable?
Doing to others what I
never even did to you?
And do you even care?
No!
I knew that
I was never completely
that stupid
And yet
I feel guilt
Should never have
abandoned you
There is only one thing
I can truly depend on
That thing, it is you
You have never let me
down
You will never let me
down
Probably because you
will never know I even exist
I will never ever again
Abandon you like this
Never let me down
Never disappointed me
Never stopped doing
what it is that you do best
Never, never, never!
You are the only thing
I can count on
What a love story!
Now
So we can make sense out
of all of this
Has anyone got a gun?
I feel so much regrets
already
So much remorse
That I was there
All within my grasp
All for the wrong
reasons
And yet
I have fallen in love
so deeply
How I would love to go
back
To live there
To make it all my own
As if it was all mine
As if I had created it
all with my own two hands
How lovely!
Oh so romantic
Lost in the middle of
nowhere
Some sort of a desert
Some sort of a canyon
Some sort of a lost
place
Where there was life
Where there was hope
Where there was
Everything someone
could dream of
Must have been nothing
Must have been a lost
cause
Must have been a lost
after thought
In such a wasteful
place
In the middle of
nowhere
In the middle of the
desert
In the middle of a
canyon
Must have been nothing
Must have been a lost
cause
Must have been a lost
after thought
And yet
It is everything to me
Nowhere else could ever
mean
Anything to me
I will go back one day
I will see it again one
day
I will live it again
one day
I will live there one
day
I’ll buy the damn
place!
I’m not sure how long I
can last
I am desperate
I need it right now
How so lovely
So pure and so young
I can’t breathe anymore
I’m in awe
Yes
Bring it back
Bring it now
It is an emergency!
Such innocence
Which has not seen
anything yet
Not experienced
anything yet
All hope and waiting
To start a life
That most likely
Will never start
Unless
Unless one intervenes
Makes it a fulfilling
one
Without asking for
anything in return
Just as one should
expect from life
I can no longer stand
this
I am desperate
It is such a need for
me
To see this thing start
living
Appreciate life as it
can be appreciated
See life
The only way it can be
seen
The world standing
there in front of us
So many places to go
So many people to meet
So much experience to
acquire
That would be lost
Undeniably
If such a wonder
Were to die where it
started
Never to see life
Never to see the world
Oh…
Such a waste
Happens all the time
It is not acceptable
People don’t know
better
People should know
better
It is an emergency
Bring it down
We will talk some sense
into it
We will show it the way
We will launch it
To the ultimate
experience
The only way someone
should live
Before it is too late
Someone is in deep need
To be launched into
space
It should be given a
chance
It should be launched
into the universe
Someone needs to do
something
Someone needs to start
living
Someone needs to start creating
Desperately crying for
help
Is it you that I am
talking about?
It is an emergency!
I am just like my dad
We look the same
We used to be the best
looking guy around
The one everyone was
after
In our own way
I am just like my dad
The same face
The same smile
The same body
The same personality
The whole nine yards
From beginning to end
I am just like my dad
I just don’t know how
he survived it
How he did it
A lifetime working for
the government
In such a restraint
environment
For over 40 years
I cannot explain it
I would have died
before retirement
No way could I have survived
it
I am just like my dad
I’m just a bit more
extreme
I’m just a bit more out
there
I am just a bit more
extrovert
Well
I just needed to live!
I just needed to
explore!
I just needed to get
out of here!
I just needed to get
off my mind!
I just needed to… burst
out!
All over life!
All over the universe!
Leave an indelible mark
on this planet!
Take control!
And make it happen!
So
I guess
I am nothing like my
dad
I cannot understand him
What is he about?
Why does he exist at
all?
I don’t know, do you?
He will die forgotten
Without ever having
created anything
From my point of view
He wasted his whole
life
I am not proud of my
dad
Because I saw so much
potential within him
More so than I could
ever have dreamt there was within me
And it has all gone to
waste
Because parents do not
listen
To their children who
know better
Fuck my dad then!
He will never amount to
anything!
He will never be anyone
He will never do
anything significant
He might as well just
die!
Whilst I reach for the
highest pyramid
Whilst I continue my
meaningless
Ascension to the top of
this world
Whilst I drive full on
towards my ultimate downfall
Just so he can one day
Tell me that
He was right all along
I am not just like my
dad
I will never be able
To tell my son one day
That I was right all
along
Because I will never
have a son
And to be honest
I don’t give a fuck
about that shite
I am just like my dad
We’re one and the same
And hopefully one day
I will have the last
word
And that last word will
be
Despite everything
Despite this chasm separating
us
I love you dad
Who’s that fucker
talking in the background?
How stupid do you think
I am?
Do you think I am that
blind
To what is truly going
on?
That I cannot hear the
words
Talking through you in
the background?
Are you not talking the
words of destiny?
The true words of God?
The only God you ever
believed in?
That I never could ever
believe in myself?
So
Who’s that fucker in
the background
Dictating to you what
needs to be said
What this society has
deemed necessary
To be said
To annihilate me
To destroy me
completely
So I can no longer
enjoy this life
Or anything related to
it?
Do I deserve to be
reduced
To such a small human
being
That only death can be
seen as my way out?
Do you not understand
the impact of what you say?
That it throws us in
deep depression
Wishing that we could
commit suicide?
So
Who’s the fucker
talking in the background?
Who’s to blame for such
insensitivity?
Who needs to be shot so
we can survive?
Oh so young and so
naïve you have been
To listen to them
To follow by example
To think this was the
way to go
One day
You will learn
The full impact
This teaching can have
I hope it won’t be too
late by then
For you
Who is so young and so
blind
To anything this life
has to offer
I should have no pity
for you
But oh, how I do pity
you
That they turned you
into such a monster
At such an early age
Before you were able to
experience anything
And see how it was out
there
Outside your comfort
zone
Which you never got out
of
I suppose I should
laugh at it
I do see the world for
what it is
I have seen what it was
like out there
I know there is no need
to turn this life
Into something no one
in their right mind would choose
You are young
You are innocent
You are stupid
You have no idea
Because you have not
lived
And one wonders if you
will ever live
Then you would
understand
What life is all about
What the human race
needs to survive
Somehow I think you
would miss it all completely
That you could never
understand
So
Who’s the fucker
talking in the background?
He is the real target
here
And believe me
I will hit him hard somehow
one day
I will make him
understand
Even though
For you
It is already too late
I feel such incredible
sadness inside of me for you
But I guess that if you
were so easily impressionable
So easily converted to
that kind of philosophy
You were weak indeed
And then
You do deserve the life
that is awaiting you ahead
You will go through
hell
You will live in misery
And somehow you will
feel righteous
What an illusion
And one day you will
fall from quite high up
When they will finally
use
Against you
What you have been
taught
To use against us
They so quickly turn
against anyone
You will not know what
hit you
Then what will you have
left?
All that you believed
in
Will have been used to
destroy you
Then you will
understand
But by then
It will be too late
You have only yourself
to blame
You could not see
beyond the tip of your nose
You do deserve what is
awaiting you
I will not pity you
For such hell you made
us suffer
Without realising
When you should have
understood
You can just die,
bitch!
But before you do
What is the source?
What is this source
feeding you?
And does he actually
really talk?
Or is it just make-belief?
Who is your God?
So we can have his head
Just like and how he
had yours
Who’s that fucker
talking in the background?
Nothing can reach me
now
Nothing can stop me now
I am that powerful
So filled with
confidence
Of all that I have
experienced
No mind games ever
could reach me
Pitiful mind games you
play
So desperate you are
To prove yourself
To get somewhere
I’m afraid
Will all be lost on me
I do not play the game
I see through you
I see through the game
I have been playing it
for decades
Nothing can reach me
now
See!
Over there!
Right here!
Such life waiting to be
lived!
Such life waiting to be
fulfilled!
What are you waiting
for?
Don’t you see this
world?
Where it leads?
Such amazing places
Such amazing people
Who could in an instant
Make it all happen for
you
And it is for you to
decide
If you want it or not
What do you hope to
accomplish here?
Do you think this is
new to me?
Do you think I am such a
virgin as you are
When I have slept with
the whole planet?
And when you do not
even know
What masturbation is?
Whilst you pretend you
do
Nothing can reach me
now
Unless I decide that it
should have any kind of impact upon me
Then
You will become my
target
To ridicule this life
This existence
To make you so small
You will die of shame
Be sure
It does not affect me
But it will affect you
I will not feel guilt
anymore
For speaking the truth
For telling it the way
it is
Of fears you might read
this one day
If you do
So be it
Nothing can reach me
now
I’m sure however that
everything will reach you
You will then try to
make me pay
But I assure you
You cannot win
Nothing can reach me
now
I am out of this world
I have always been
Thought for a while I
was but an observer
I understand now
I am the creator
So who are you then?
My creation
My insignificant
creation
And just as I created
you
I will make you
disappear so fast
You would not even know
you ever existed
I have such a life to
live!
I have such horizons to
explore!
So many places to go
So many people to meet
So much to learn
So much to assimilate
I will live this life
one way or another
Who you think you are
To feel you could stop
me
On such a destiny
Shows how ignorant you
are
About the mechanisms of
this existence
I will live the way I
see fit
I will see the world
the way I intend to
I will travel as far as
one can go
I will see the world
for what it is
Nothing can reach me
now
Nothing can stop me now
It is never time to
think of retirement
I listen to myself
For the first time
I do no talk of someone
waiting to live
I talk as someone who
lived
I also talk as someone
who does not believe
He will ever live again
I’m sorry, but this is
not acceptable
If I think
If you think
That I have lived
That I have a lot of
experience
You have seen nothing
yet
Shit
This is no small matter
I just realised that I
was actually young
That I might have lived
a lot
For someone so young
But that I was not dead
yet
And that there was much
more to explore
So much more to
experience
To live for
I may still have to
sacrifice just about everything
To go live the
adventure
This life has to offer
I cannot get comfy in
one place
With one person
Incapable of the most
basic thing about life
Absolute freedom
I will need once again
to sacrifice
Everything and everyone
In order to lead the existence
I had in mind
For myself
Cannot feel sorry
Cannot feel bad
Just have to make the
decision
Just have to go for it
I am not dead!
I am far from retiring!
I have not seen enough!
I have not experienced
enough
What this life had to
offer!
Oh dear
I’m gone now
Ready to go
Ready to leave
Once again
For the other side of
the planet
Such sacrifices
Such life changing
events
I have no choice in the
matter
I have to go
I will go
Don’t talk to me about
retirement
For people like me
Retirement is not an
option
I gather that I will be
halfway across the galaxy
By the time I have my
heart attack
And by then
How could it ever stop
me?
Others have heart
attacks
I won’t have any heart
attack
It is never time
To think of retirement
As after all now
We will never die
So
Where do we go from
here?
Well
Where am I to start
with?
I don’t know
Do you know where you
are?
Are you sure?
So
Where do you go from
here?
Where do you go
You don’t know
Because you don’t even
know
Where here is
I will tell you
As I always do
Where you are
Where you are going
Do you think you are
somewhere?
You are nowhere
And though you knew
where you were heading
You have no clue where
you will end up
So
Where do we go from
here?
Does it depend on me?
Are you so lost
That you can no longer
guide yourself
To where you need to
go?
Don’t you know
Deep inside
Where you should be?
Where you need to go?
Are you incapable of
making the decision
To finally move on?
Do I have to make that
decision for you?
I know
I understand
How difficult it is
How impossible
Such decisions can be
made
And yet
You have to make it
You have to move on
You have to live
You have to exist
You have to make that
decision
It is inevitable
You have no choice
This is it
This is the time
You have to get out of
there
You have to move on
Where do you go from
here?
Everywhere!
You will start living
You have to get out of here
You have no choice
Make the decision!
This is where we go
from here
Liberation!
Freedom!
The start of a new
life!
Finally you will live!
Finally you will
experience what life is all about!
Get out!
Get out now!
You have suffered long enough!
There is no need to
suffer anymore
From here
We’re going everywhere!
There are no frontiers
anywhere in this world!
There is always a way
There are always
solutions
You will survive
You will explode upon
this world
You will become what
you were meant to be
So strong and so
dedicated
You will make such a
difference
Simply because
You suffered so much
No life should ever
depend on the one of another
No way!
Where do we go from
here?
I will tell you
Everywhere at once!
And you will be heard
Everywhere at once!
Because this is the
beginning of a new life
And everything will be
alright
Because this is what
life is all about
There are always solutions
around the corner
To the deepest problems
ever
Make the decision!
Get out!
Get out!
Get out!
So
Where do we go from
here?
Everywhere at once!
Life is awaiting us
So much so
You could never imagine
A whole world is
awaiting you
So
Where do you go from
here?
Everywhere at once!
What a discovery
I am no longer only
thinking of myself
I think of others first
I don’t know how this
came about
If I had to guess
It is because
I am no longer
expecting anything
From this life
Do I feel like I am
already dead?
That I have nothing
left to experience
Nothing to live for?
Am I so old already?
That I feel I have
nothing left to offer anyone?
Well, if I felt so old
already, at 35
What does this tell you
About anyone over 35?
Don’t they feel death
upon them?
Just like I do?
I have only a few years
left
To accomplish myself
To make something out
of my life
I am about to die!
God help me!
I feel that perhaps
I had so much more to
tell the world
So much more that they
would not care about
And yet
I have to tell them
I have to tell them the
truth about this world
I will die any day now!
I am 35!
This is the end of my
life!
I finally understood
that I was mortal!
God help me!
And yet
I am no longer selfish
I do not think of
myself anymore
I have lived enough
I have experienced
enough
I have written enough
I can die happy now
With the sense that I
have accomplished
Everything I have set
myself to accomplish
Now I can concentrate
on the ones
Who are like me
Who never had the
chance to
Live the life they were
meant to be living
I am no longer selfish
And yet
I won’t be able to help
any of them
So I have to tell them
That everything was
against me
And yet
I broke out from
everything
And still led the life
I thought I was meant to lead
And if I have done so
You can do the same
Because I am not
special
I am insignificant
And yet I told them all
to fuck off
I told them I would
lead the life I was meant to
And I did
And so can you
Hell, if you need help,
I will help you
To break out
To get out
To start this life you
were meant to live
I am no longer selfish
I think of you first
You will succeed!
No matter what!
Are we not all dreaming
to be free?
Are we not all dreaming
of absolute freedom?
And then we look around
We are chained to death
And yet
Through it all
Can’t you feel such
freedom?
Are you not free?
To do whatever you
want?
You could quit right
now
Whatever it is that you
are doing
To tell them all to get
lost
Enjoy life
Such a life of freedom
Here are such horizons
awaiting you
We will get there
You will get there
There is nothing that
can stop you
Such a life of freedom
Emancipation
Anticipation
Actualisation
Creating one’s
existence
Such a life of freedom
That such artists
Could never be
recognised
Because they are the
very spark of life
The very reason
everyone exists
Without ever
Being able
To make any decision
To feel
To inspire
To create
What life is all about
Such a life of freedom
I one day
Woke up
I one day
Threw it all out
I one day
Started to live
I one day
Left everything behind
I one day
Made the necessary
sacrifices
I one day
Decided to live
I one day
Took a plane for god
knows where
I one day
Decided I would start
to live
I one day
Lived for real
Such a life of freedom
It wasn’t easy
It was mad
In retrospect
I am afraid of what I
have done
That is why you should
not think
You should act
Right now
Such a life of freedom
Is awaiting you
It is ready to be lived
To be experienced
By you
Forget everything
Do not listen to anyone
but yourself
Make that crazy
decision
Start to live!
Such a life of freedom
I was going to say
I was going to say…
But there is no need to
say it
It is all but in the
mind
It certainly starts
there
But from there
You go on and create
whatever you feel like
It is all but in the
mind
I assure you
Tough it starts there
From there you go
everywhere else
You create everything
else
There is no limit
And how could there be?
Any limits?
Your mind is a powerful
tool
You could still be
stuck where you were born
Unable to free yourself
And yet
You could live so far
away from here
That is how powerful
the mind is
Was I born here?
I don’t remember
What am I still doing
here?
I don’t know
I belong somewhere else
I was somewhere else
I invented that
somewhere else
Why am I still here?
I cannot explain it
Nevertheless
I’m far gone
I’m far away from here
I’m already gone
A long time ago
I built this world!
I made it what it is!
I created those bitches
and those bastards!
None of them can affect
me
Because I am the only
one
I am the only person
That exists
In this world
I do live in my own
bubble universe
You do live in your own
bubble universe
I realised a long time
ago
That only I existed in
this universe
That I was making it
all up as I went along
Everything and everyone
that exist
I invented them
I created them
So I could learn
something
Out of this world
Just like you do
Might be all in the
mind
It is still what life
is all about
What my life is all
about
I created it this way
I wanted it this way
Can’t explain why
Because it makes no
sense
And yet
I have
And now I have to live
with it
This world
This whole world
It is all but in my
mind
I created it!
I will survive it!
This world
This whole world
It is all but in your
mind
You created it!
You will survive it!
We’re all but just
A great ball of anger
Leaving chaos behind us
Wherever we go
Oh, I have tried so
hard!
To be nice
To be understanding
To be compassionate
But listening to your
jokes
Right after the storm
As if nothing happened
Oh dear
There just comes a
point
When it all needs to
explode
All in your fake happy
face
We’re all but just
A great ball of anger
Leaving chaos behind us
Wherever we go
Oh Brother!
See this world we’ve
made
So much potential
Such a lovely place it
could be
We would not need to
pretend
For such a perfection
It is all here within
our reach
But hearing your loud
laugh
Right after you
destroyed us
As if nothing happened
Oh dear
There just comes a time
When I need to explode
All over your pretend
existence
We’re all but just
A great ball of anger
Leaving chaos behind us
Wherever we go
Oh Sister!
Will you open your eyes
See this world for what
it is?
See the world for what
it could be?
So much we could offer
each other
So friendly we could
all be
So perfect this
universe is
But hearing you whinge
again
Freak out once again
About such
insignificance
Oh dear
I get so angry
I push the panic button
I could destroy this
world
Leaving you to wonder
What brought me to the
brink of insanity
We’re all but just
A great ball of anger
Leaving chaos behind us
Wherever we go
Oh, I have tried so
hard!
But when everyone is
just
But a great ball of
anger around me
Leaving nothing but destruction
in their wake
I have no choice
I have to become the
greatest
Ball of anger of all
Oh, I have tried so
hard!
But
I will be
For you
The greatest ball of
anger
The world has ever seen
I’m
just about ready to kill someone
I am now deaf to
Everything you say
All the background
noise
All the distortions
I am deaf
To your existence
I am now blind to
Who you are
What you are
What you are all about
I am blind
To your existence
I am now sedated to
Life around me
This reality
The universe
I am sedated
To your existence
Such unfairness!
Such injustice!
Such favouritism!
Such discrimination!
Such lies!
You should not even
exist
I am so distressed
My cry will be heard in
the next millennium
I am so angry
I could annihilate
anyone crossing my path
I am so out of my mind
I’m just about ready to
kill someone
Whilst I am trying so
desperately
To be nice
To show compassion
To be perfect
To be happy
Peaceful
Elated!
This is not
My most inspired moment
Whilst I am trying so
hard
To become a new man
To create another
reality
To feel hopeful for the
future
For humanity
For you!
This is not
My most inspired moment
No matter how hard you
try
No matter how hopeful
you are
It is just not possible
To try anything
To do anything
To become anything
I always ruin it all
In less than a minute
This is not
My most inspired moment
Everywhere I go I
cause a panic
I am so tired
To cause so many heart
attacks
Everywhere I go
Just by being me
You would have thought
by now
There was nothing new
under the sun
There would be no need
To jump to a panic
state
As soon as I open my
mouth
And say something
As soon as I raise my
hands
And do something
You feel threaten
You feel the need to
shut me down
Frankly!
Get a life!
Get out a bit more
Experience a bit more
See people for what
they are
See the world for what
it is
There is no need for
alarm
That’s just life
Calm down
Just accept it
This is how we are
This is how it is
We cannot change our
nature
Just like you can’t
change yours
Better open your eyes
Move away from your
comfort zone
See people for what
they are
See the world for what
it is
Then and only then
You will see
That there’s no need
To panic
I’m not gonna kill ya
Though I thought about
it many times
You better not voice
that you wish to kill me
Because then
There will be a real panic
And no one will be able
To control me
I think
I just can’t pretend
anymore
My heart is just not in
it
I can no longer lie
Like I used to
I can no longer remain
silent
Like I used to
I can no longer keep my mouth shut!
Like I used to
From your point of view
It may seem
Like I never shut up
I’m telling you
I’m just beginning
And it will hurt!
Now I am awake!
I will no longer
Listen to you
I will no longer
Do what you ask
No more will I work so
hard
For no recognition
No more will I work so
hard
For no reward
My heart is just
Not in it anymore
I had enough
Of whatever you do
I had enough
Of all that you
represent
I had enough
Of you
I’m done!
My heart is no longer
in it
Go away!
Just disappear from my
life!
I never want to see the
like of you ever again!
I will tell you what I
think
Every time
And suffer the
consequences
And those consequences
Will mean my liberty
I think
My heart is still in it
It’s just not
In anything that
concerns you
I have that right
To refuse
To do anything you ask
of me
I have that right
To refuse
To see you
I have the right
To walk right through
you
I have the right
To walk to my freedom
So fuck off!
Are there any drugs left
in this house?
I’m getting desperate
I’m scratching the
walls
I’m singing
I’m shouting
At the top of my lungs
The delirium of the
millennium
I’m gonna do something
I’m gonna do
Something insane!
And just die
Of an overdose
Right after…
What a way to live!
Are there any drugs
left in this house?
I’m gonna get trashed!
So off my head!
I do not expect to
survive
I’ve reached the point
Where I could not care
About anything or
anyone
Left with one desire
only
The one to live
Just that
How simple that desire
is
I cannot understand
How difficult
Complicated
It can be
To understand!
What a way to live!
Are there any drugs
left in this house?
I’m gonna get trashed!
So off my head!
I do not expect to
survive
I cannot see any hope
Over the horizon
I do not see a way out
Happiness
Don’t know
Must belong to the
disciples
Of Jesus-Christ
Or Allah
One or the other
I will feel content
Tonight
That those disciples
Will lead a happy life
And die happy
What a way to live!
Are there any drugs
left in this house?
I’m gonna get trashed!
So off my head!
I do not expect to
survive
I can only blame you
I will have no regrets
Because this is not a
way to live
In fact
I reviewed all the
possible ways to live
I rejected them all
I suppose you just
didn’t have the imagination
The creativity
That was required
In order to make of
this life
Something liveable
So why should I care?
About anything or
anyone?
Please tell me!
What a way to live!
Are there any drugs
left in this house?
I’m gonna get trashed!
So off my head!
I do not want to
survive!
And why should I?
I am too sensitive a
soul
Everything that happens
Has such an impact upon
my life
The smallest detail
The smallest event
I feel it to the core
It means everything
It’s the end of a world
I am too sensitive a
soul
For this world
I feel too much
I care too much
It hits me in the heart
So deeply
Whether I want it or
not
It kills me
There is nothing I can
do about it
I am too sensitive a
soul
I wish I could be
desensitised
I wish I would not
care!
That I could free
myself
From the problems of
humanity!
Stop!
Stop creating chaos for
no reason!
Free me!
Because for me
It means everything
It’s the end of a world
I am too sensitive a
soul
I need to be cured
I will find a cure
I will rid myself of
all of you
I will feel nothing
Sedated as I will be
I will feel nothing
As I will disconnect
myself
Because for me
It means everything
There is nothing I can
do about it
This is how deeply I
feel
It’s the end of the
world
What
else could I do to destroy you?
You’re a fucking hard
bitch
It is hard to
scandalise you
And yet I am trying
very hard
To send you overboard
So you will just lose
it completely
And perhaps
Never return
I have broken hardest
bitches than you
You’re but a pale
comparison
You feel strong and in
control
You have seen nothing
yet
I’ll break ya, you will
go mad
And perhaps
Never return
I care nothing for you
You are fat
You are weak
You’re an idiot
I’ll send you packing,
you will be defeated
And perhaps
Never return
I have decades of
experience
At breaking bitches
Often they only realise
it after I’m gone
In your case, I’ll be
there
To enjoy while you
suffer and break down
And perhaps
Never return
You have met your master
You are but the
smallest Master Bitch I have ever met
You will be easy to demolish,
to deflate
Just watch me go, I
will enjoy it
You will leave with the
hardest headache
And perhaps
Never return
This is my vendetta
Against all the Master
Bitches
Of this world
I will destroy you all
You will cry your heart
out
And definitely
Never return!
You have met your Master!
I’ll show you just how
weak you are
I will obliterate you!
Again and again!
Fucking master bitches!
You will
Never return!
Why would I want to be
happy?
When all my life
I have been anything
but happy?
By now
I revel in unhappiness
It has given me
A reason to exist
I am the King
Of the unhappy people
I roll myself in it
I just love it
I cannot change now
It is impossible
Why?
Why would I want to be
happy?
When I have built my nest
In such unhappiness
When everything that I
am
Is unhappiness?
When finally
I can only be happy
In my unhappiness?
Now you understand
I can no longer change
my nature
Why?
Why would I want to be
happy?
There is no point now
There is no motivation
anymore
I have found a way
To be happy
In my unhappiness
Trying to change my
nature
Only hurts
I can no longer change
I do not want to change
And this is so sad
Why?
The best things happen
to me
The greatest events one
could hope for
It is everything anyone
dreams of
I finally have full
control over my existence
I finally have full
freedom
I do not have to suffer
anyone
I do not have to suffer
anything
I do not suffer anymore
I am free to roam the
world
To do whatever I want
Whenever I want
I am free!
And yet
I am unhappy
Because I cannot change
my nature
Why?
No matter what now
No matter how happy
this life can be
No matter how rich I
become
No matter how free I feel
It is too late for me
I will never find
happiness
Why?
I hope you still can
Find happiness
And when it happens
I hope you still can
Feel happiness
I can no longer
Feel anything
And this is sad
Why?
Wait!
I can feel something!
I can feel such
detachment
From anything that
exists
I can laugh at
everything
No longer can I take
anything seriously
Nothing actually really
exists
I am out of this world
I am out of my mind
I cannot feel anything
I cannot be happy
But there is a very
good reason for that
None of this truly existed
anyway in the first place
So why would I want to
be happy now?
There is absolutely no
reason
For me to be happy
And I do know why
I am alone in this
world I created
After such a fallacy
Might as well drink
myself to death
Without any more
question why
No wonder we were never
made aware
As soon as you become
aware
You realise how inexistent
This universe is
How immaterial
You are
Why!
Why indeed
I’m
just about ready to kill myself
That’s it
I’ve lost it
I am crying
Everything there is to
cry
Once again
Long past the point of
no return
There’s no coming back
How could I once again
Save myself
From this?
How?
And do I even want to?
I am just about ready
to kill myself
Oh!
I wanted so much from
life!
There was so much I
wanted to accomplish!
Many places to go
Many people to meet
Many conversations to
have
Filled with desire
Filled with
expectations
A whole world to see
A whole world to learn
from
It could have been
The journey of a
lifetime
It could have been
The realisation of a life
dream
And, but
I am just about ready
to kill myself
I don’t know what went
wrong
I’m not sure who to
blame
What to blame
I just can see
How this existence
Has been reduced to
nothing
No hope whatsoever
When it could have been
Everything!
I am just about ready
To give it all up
And to start
Living!
I will motivate a
whole planet!
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
Even if I have to die
trying
Do I need to say more?
Is this not your
deepest desire?
Perhaps wishing for
happiness along the way
Some peace
Some great feeling of
well being
To top it all up?
The freedom
To do whatever you want
Whenever you want
Such a high price to
pay
To even exist
Should not even exist
You are free!
From the day you were
born
You are free!
From this moment
You are free!
Right now!
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
Even if I have to die
trying
Such a desire to live!
Such a wish to exist!
Bring it all up!
I am ready!
You are ready!
We are ready!
To welcome it
To welcome anything
To break this routine
To break this loop
No longer will it be the
same!
We will finally
experience
All that this life has
to offer!
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
Even if I have to die
trying
Get outside right now
Look at the sky
Look at the stars
Look far over the
horizon
It is all there
awaiting you
Just wish for it
Express what you want
Ask for it!
Right now!
Nothing matters anymore!
Nothing exists anymore!
Just you
Just the universe
Just your creation
What do you want of this
life?
What do you want of this
universe?
It is all yours
It is all your own
creation
Go for it!
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
Even if I have to die
trying
I am mad
Completely mad
You are sane
Completely sane
I live all over the
universe
I created the whole
universe
So
You better get mad soon
You better start
creating your own universe
You better start
Living all over the
universe!
That is it
I have said it all
There is nothing else
for me to say
I have told you
You understood
You know what you have
to do
Get out there
Create the experience
you truly wish for
Create the world you
always dreamt of
Just wish it
Believe it
See it happening
That’s it
That’s all
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
Even if I have to die
trying
I am free!
I am happy!
I am peaceful!
I am out of reach!
This reality, I created
it
This experience, I
wished for it
But now
I am going to wish for
so much more
I am going to start
living for real
I am going to create
the world I want to live in
And you will do just
the same
And this will
revolutionise everything!
I will motivate a whole
planet!
To break free!
To find absolute
freedom!
And I will succeed
We will succeed!
I feel great! How do
you feel?
I feel all awe inspired
I am no longer touching
the ground
I am no longer within
this reality
I feel great!
How do you feel?
I am so disconnected
I do not believe
anything could reach me
The little problems of
humanity?
Pfff!
How do you feel?
No, I am not on drugs
No, I am not under the
influence of alcohol
No, I just see
everything so differently
I feel great!
How do you feel?
I feel so free right
now
Despite everything
going on
I am so unconcerned with
the problems of the world
I can’t even describe
how I feel
How do you feel?
I feel disconnected
enough
I feel I created this
world
I certainly re-created
it in my mind
And somehow it becomes
reality
How do you feel?
I am far gone
And yet I feel I am right
I believe what I am
telling myself
How can I be wrong when
I feel so great!
How do you feel?
This world becomes what
I think
What I want comes to
pass
I am in total control
of destiny
Somehow, this is weird,
this is depressing
How do you feel?
I feel great!
Sometimes
I feel like committing
suicide
How can you explain
this?
How do you feel?
I cannot explain this
universe
I cannot identify the
laws of nature
I am at a total loss
I feel miserable and
great all at the same time
How do you feel?
Do you understand
anything about this world?
Do you understand
anything?
About the mechanics of
existence?
I feel awful, because I
still understand nothing
How do you feel?
If you feel like you
understand this universe
If you feel like you
understand what life is all about
If you feel like you
understand everything
That you have somehow a
better understanding than most
How do you feel?
Being a visionary
I feel great
I feel lost
I feel nothing
How do you feel?
You
have no idea the life I am leading
You have no idea, do
you?
Of the life I am
leading
Behind your back
You think I go back to
you
Every day
Having lived nothing
Having experienced
nothing
As if I was dead
As soon as I am outside
of your sight
You have no idea
I go all around the
world
At least three times
Before you see me again
I have experienced all
That this world has to
offer
Seen everything there
is to see
Imagined everything
that can be
Before you can control
me once again
For this so limited
amount of time
And yet
You think this is what
my existence
Is limited to
You have no idea
To tell you
How insignificant you
are
Whilst you think
That my whole life is
resumed to you
And the little power
you have over me
That I fight every
singe day
You are well aware of
that
And though I live so
much
I feel you live so
little
Because I cannot see
How anymore your life
could be
But these little
struggles
This little power you
have over me
That you enjoy so much
It takes over your
whole life
And yet
You have no idea
The life I am leading
Outside of your little
burst out bubble
So far away I am
So far away do I exist
So much I accomplish
Outside of it all
Outside of your power
trip
Outside all that this
world is to you
That I feel
I live
And you forgot to live
You have no idea
The life I am leading
I do know though the
life you are leading
It is a very miserable
one indeed
You have no idea
It means nothing to you
It means everything to
me
Yes!
It does mean everything
to me!
Why can’t you
understand?
Why can’t you leave me alone?
I made it clear
I told you in no uncertain
terms
Let it be!
Let me be!
I have the right to
live!
I have the right to
exist!
It means nothing to you
It means everything to
me
What powers you
To constantly bug me?
To impose yourself in
such a fashion into my life?
When all I tried to do
Is to shut you off
completely?
Will I never succeed?
To free myself of this
world?
Of everything you are
and represent?
It means nothing to
you!
It means everything to
me!
What do I have to do?
To clean up this world
of the likes of you?
To eradicate this
annoyance
That is you?
You feel only you exist
within this world
Well
I have some news for
you
It is quite the
opposite
Only me exist in this
world
In this world of mine
I cannot even begin to
understand
Why I would let you in
Why I would give you
any time
Why I would let myself
be so disturbed
By whatever you decide to
do
It means nothing to you
It means everything to
me
I will stop you right
there in your track
I will make you
understand
Of how unnecessary all that
you do
Or try to achieve
Is superfluous
Not needed
Not required
Not wanted
You will see how you
have become
Just but a hindrance
A nuisance
Which is quickly
becoming
Alarmingly
Much more than that
And I cannot accept it
It means nothing to you
It means everything to
me
If you cannot
understand how
I can wish such little
freedom I am asking for
If you cannot get the
message
That I desperately need
that little freedom I am allowed
I will have to make you
understand somehow
I will have to lead a
revolution if necessary
Be it a civil war
But you will understand
You will get the
message
You will leave me alone
It means nothing to you
It means everything to
me
The sooner you get that
The better we will be
Let it be!
Let me be!
I have the right to
live!
I have the right to
exist!
You just don’t care, you have to go
Well
I guess
You just don’t care
So
Why should I care?
Well
I don’t
Whatever you say
Whatever you do
I don’t care
Be my guest
Go about the world
Talk and talk and talk
About the world
It seems
You were born for it
To talk and talk and
talk
About the world
You could convince
anyone
That whatever we are
doing
Is simply
The way to go
Is simply
Just right
I guess you just don’t
care
So
Why should we care?
Well
We don’t
Whatever you say
Whatever you do
We don’t care
We are all way too busy
With our own little
Insignificant existence
To pay attention to
anything you do
You take it as
validation
I tell you
I take it as suicidal
You don’t hear a squeak
No one is telling you
That you are about to fall
flat on your face
And yet
You are about to fall
flat on your face
I guess you just don’t
care
So why
Should we care?
Well
We do
I would not even trust
myself with such decisions
And yet you do trust
yourself with such decisions
I would not trust anyone
with such decisions
And yet we do trust someone,
anyone, with these decisions
What has this world
come to?
We cannot trust anyone
And yet
Someone is going ahead
with all these decisions
I wouldn’t trust myself
Therefore
We can trust no one
I guess you just don’t
care
So why
Should I care?
Well
I do
First of all
You need to go
I don’t want to hear
about you ever again
You have been there way
too long
Probably because you
are such a good speaker
You could get yourself
out of anything
And yet bring this world
to an end
Out! Out! Out!
I guess you just don’t
care
But I do
Let me think about this
Let us think about this
Let me reconsider
what’s happening
Let us reconsider what
we should do
Never mind what
happened before
Seems to me that it was
all fabricated anyway
I never trusted you,
rightly so
Let us stop for a
second
To consider what’s
happening
And where it’s leading
What to do
Someone has to stop you
I guess you just don’t
care
But we do
That’s not what I want
That’s not what we want
I want to do what I
want
We want to do what we
want
I guess you just don’t
care
But we do
And we will do what we
want
Not what you want
So you may not care
But we do
So you have to go
Out! Out! Out!
I find it so funny
That you finally look
into a mirror
And cannot even
recognise
That this reflection
It is yourself
You are just like a
parrot
A bird that seems
highly intelligent
Who can talk
Especially repeat what
he hears
And yet
Will never make any
sense of what he hears
Could not even look
into a mirror
And understand that
this reflection
It is himself
Over and over again
All over again
No matter how many
times
I show him the mirror
He will never
understand
That this reflection
It is him and no one
else
Hello! Hello!
He will repeat
To this new comer unto
the scene
And that newcomer
Is the perfect
reflection of himself
As it is himself!
Is it you?
This reflection in the
mirror?
Can you recognise
yourself?
I got the feeling
That when you were
listening to yourself
Watching yourself from
afar
You could not recognise
who that was
Can you look so bad?
Can you be that bad?
Is this me?
Is this myself?
Never would have I
thought I was like that
And yet
This is me, this is you
This reflection in the
mirror
It is ourselves
We can no longer deny
it
We can no longer hide
We have reached that
stage in our development
We should have reached
that stage in our development
That we can recognise this
reflection in the mirror
It is ourselves
Are we not more
intelligent than parrots?
Can’t we look into a
mirror and realise it is us?
Can’t we have our own
opinions about things?
Can’t we decide where
this world is going?
You have opinions!
You are not a parrot!
Voice your opinions!
No way should you hear
something
And just repeat it
endlessly
You are no parrot!
You are not a weak mind
You can think for
yourself
You can express an
opinion
Come on!
Tell us!
What do you think?
Forget everything you
heard before!
You are more
intelligent than that!
I don’t want to hear
what someone else said about it!
What do you think?
Tell me! Tell us!
Don’t you have an
opinion for yourself?
Can’t you make up
something all by yourself?
Do you have to be a
parrot?
Come on!
Break out!
Break free!
Express yourself!
You do exist!
You do exist
independently from anyone else!
There is no need to
repeat what everyone else says
Take control over your
life!
So
Is this you?
This reflection in the
mirror?
I sure hope not!
As it looks nothing
like you!
I just hope you will
realise this
And finally make up your
own mind
And tell us your own
opinions from deep down inside of you
I am no parrot
I know that
You are no parrot
Remember that
We are no parrots
And now let’s find out
who we truly are
No one will ever
understand you
I don’t understand!
I am on such a mission
To change the whole
world
For the better
And yet
Everyone
Is just about trying
their best
To stop me in my
endeavour
As if it was so damn
important
To stop me in my…
Could not even finish
the sentence
And then again
This world felt the
need to stop me
From stating something
How ever insignificant
It is so hard
It is so hard to try to
feel anything
So hard to even express
anything
So hard to get heard
So hard to live
I’m not sure
Is it possible at all?
To exist?
To be someone?
To make some sort of
contribution?
Without being a machine?
I don’t know
I feel
We are that dehumanised
It may be impossible
It seems to me
Everyone has become
Spinning tops
Spinning from A to B
And then spinning back from
B to A
Forever and ever
Without even realising
it
Oh so sad
That so many people
Can be lost
In such a meaningless
dance
Yet I cannot deny it
So many people are just
spinning tops
That I have met so many
within my life
Tells me
The whole world is
filled with spinning tops
Spinning from A to B
And immediately
From B to A
Forever
Without realising
It is not surprising
then
How such spinning tops
Could never understand
Anything about you
They are useless
They are lost to the
world
Incapable of even
having a life
And yet
So badly they want to
control your existence
And sure enough
Whatever they say
Is meaningless
They are out of this
world
But you are not
You do exist
God knows where they
exist
You do have this
capacity to think
They don’t seem to
You can create
something
They can’t
The art of ignoring
them
The art of ignoring the
spinning tops
Is getting harder and
harder
And yet
It has to be done
You need to find a way
out
You need to make them
disappear from your life
No one can understand
you
Because everyone is
just
But a spinning top
I realise how
ridiculous this sounds
But I have witnessed
this too many times before
It must be true
And if it is true in my
life
I’m sure it is in yours
Well then
Now that you know that
everyone else
That everyone in your
life
Is just but a drone
spinning away their whole existence
I’m sure you feel that
they don’t matter much
You are free!
You do not need anyone
to understand you
There is no need for
anyone to understand you
In order to start
living a great life
The life you were meant
to live
Do not be stopped by
spinning tops
How ridiculous that
would be
How sad
No one ever understood
me
I ignored them all
I went on to live my
life
I don’t regret anything
But dear me
How would I regret it
now
If I had listened to
these spinning tops
I wonder now if there
was any life in them
If even a spark existed
in their life
Of course they could
never have understood me
I don’t think they even
had that capacity to understand
So hollow and empty
they were
So devoid of any kind
of passion or dream
Frankly
If this universe truly
wanted me to believe they even existed
It could have tried
harder
As it was so obvious to
me
That they were all
spinning tops
They only existed in
order to spark up something within me
And all they were
capable of
Is to annoy me, get me
angry
As I could not
understand
How people, real
people, could be so limited in every way
That their existence
could only be so absolutely meaningless
These people have no
life
They were never meant
to have one
Simply because they are
virtual
They don’t really exist
This is why they can be
spinning tops
And yet
You could be blind to
that fact
It might puzzle you
But if you are clever
enough
You realise they simply
do not exist
No one will ever
understand you
No one was ever meant
to understand you
It does not matter
Get over it and move on
You still have a life to
live
You still have a world
to explore
You still have
something to learn
You still have a life
to fulfil
The sooner you get rid
of the spinning tops in your life
The better you will
feel
You will then meet more
spinning tops
And the faster you can
identify them
The faster you will
move on
To something else
To something better
To something finally
satisfying
That can truly bring
something concrete into your life
No one will ever
understand you
It was not meant to be
Do not be stopped by it
Just go on and live
your life
Find happiness or
whatever it is that you are looking for
Just continue to create
the world as you go along
As this is the only
meaning you can give to your own existence
Absolute
elation in my own illusions
I am finally happy
Complete feeling of
elation
Total freedom
In this entire illusion
I have created
And yet
If this is what is
required
For me to build
something out of this world
All within my own mind
I don’t see what’s
wrong with this image
Let’s create away this
great illusion!
Never have I felt so
peaceful
So filled with creation
I would not even say I
am lost
I would not say I am
delusional
And yet
I can tell you
I am far away from here
From anything you were
ever capable of teaching me
I feel powerful
I feel free
I feel abundance
As if there was no
limit set upon this world
I am flying away so
fast
Out of here
Reaching such universes
Never would you have
suspected they existed
But they do, in my mind
Learning to live within
one’s mind
Is the only lesson
worth learning
From that comes
Absolute freedom
Absolute elation
I feel it!
I feel wonderful!
So free I am!
So peaceful!
No words could describe
how I feel
And yet
There is intelligence
It is base on some sort
of logic
I can understand
I am still here, I am
still me
But somehow I wonder
So powerful
So easy it is
To disconnect
To live in one’s mind
To re-invent a world of
emotions
A world of feelings
A world of dreams
To create to infinity
All those worlds we
have inside of us
Without ever suspecting
How far we could bring
it all
My illusions
My delusion
Is all I have left
Believe me
I will explore this
dream world
As far as I can go
Because only through it
all
Can I find a purpose to
my existence
A reason to exist
It makes no sense
No logic
Unreasonable
Out of this world
And yet
I can’t explain it
I feel elated
So elated
In my world of
illusions
Never suspected
I could so simply
condition myself
Convince myself
That everything was
great within this world
And so firmly believe
it
I walk on the street
I feel so much joy
I look at the sky
I was just born
I just exist
I am filled with energy
And this energy
Creates the very world
I live in
The very illusion of my
existence
And it fulfils me no
end
Never have I felt so
free
What drugs am I on?
Don’t you just wish you
could get the same?
I’m afraid
This is all whilst
being clean
I was never dirty to
begin with
And yet
I managed to still
create
My very own world of
illusion
Where nowhere else will
I ever feel such
A world of absolute elation
Despite anything you
will live
As long as you can see
the irony
As long as you can turn
it to derision
As long as you can make
it meaningful
As long as you can get
creative about it
Despite anything you
will live
Only if you take life
so seriously
Only if you feel that
trapped within your own walls
Only if you can no
longer see what’s funny about it
Only if they convince
you
Only then you cannot
live
See the world for what
it is!
You created this place in
the first place
Only you could get
yourself incarcerated
Lose your freedom
When you felt like
having an orgy
Life is not so serious
Nothing is that
important
You can always tell
them to get lost
You can always move on
Let’s see, oh, so much
to choose from
I am looking for no
trouble
I was just looking
around
You know, there is
something out there
Let me see it, let me
reach it
Ah! So this is what
there was out here
Not living me satisfied
Not enough
I need to see more
I need to invent more
Let’s see what’s over
there
Will always survive
Anything and everything
Nothing is that
important
That it could take over
one’s life
Free to wonder around
and to laugh at everything
Nothing is worth that
much attention
No idea, no concept can
stop anyone
You can always wish it
away
Be somewhere else in
your mind
Despite anything
You will live
You are
beyond anything that ever was
Let’s face it
Let’s understand this
So far reaching are
your thoughts
So out there is what
you are creating
You are out of reach
Reaching new grounds
You are beyond
Anything that ever was
Such a great feeling
inside
When one can reach so
far
Out of bounds
Beyond any frontier
As if none ever existed
All over the world!
It is grand
It is grandiose
I feel I have reached
it
You are now reaching it
You cannot doubt it
Such brilliance
Believe me
It kills me
You are beyond anything
that ever was
Because you can no
longer identify
With anything that
exists
I wonder where you are
now
Beyond!
Somewhere else!
Feeling something else
You did not know you
could feel!
This is what this is
all about!
There for all to see
This unique creation!
You are
Beyond anything
That ever existed
As soon as you can feel
it
You are beyond anything
that ever existed
As soon as you can feel
it inside
Nothing else matters
Beyond anything that
ever existed
Nothing else matters
You are beyond anything
that ever was
You feel it inside
Don’t let anyone tell
you otherwise
You will always know
better than anyone else
As soon as you feel it
inside
You are beyond anything
that ever was!
If I knew how real this
existence was
I wouldn’t feel the
need to ask
And yet I do
Just like you do
Does it really matter?
How real it all feels?
Can I feel it?
Can I touch it?
Can I even taste it?
I certainly can’t
anymore
You do start to believe
yourself at some point
You do start believing
anything
If it was not so
Then
Nothing would exist
Is this not what you
are afraid of?
Is this not what I am
afraid of?
That nothing truly
exists?
I
I don’t
I barely believe so
I’m no longer sure
Maybe nothing exists
So is this for real or
what?
Ah!
Certainly not
It was never meant to
be for real
As nothing seems to be
real anyway
I make it all up as I
go along
Just like my life
I make it all up as I
go along
Thank God!
I do have a strong
imagination
I have seen so much!
I have experienced so
much!
And yet
This is just the
beginning
It has to be
I’m not ready to die
any time soon
How real is this?
As real as it seems
Not very convincing
I agree
I bet I could have come
up with something better
And yet
It is convincing indeed
Almost convinced me
Almost
But not quite
I have seen too much
I have experienced too
much
I can no longer be
fooled so easily
No!
Nothing truly matters
anymore!
This is the price to
pay for understanding
And yet
My God!
It does open up such a
world in front of me!
There is no limit to
what I can accomplish!
True that none of this
matters anymore
And yet
I have so much to see
I have so much to
explore
So much to sacrifice
perhaps
But who cares now about
that?
No one!
Such a small price to
pay!
To get out of one’s
life!
And live everything there
is to live!
I am sorry
Never could I ever
regret anything
How real is this?
I will tell you
As real as it can be
As real as you will let
it be
As real as I can feel
it
This is as real as it
will ever get
Because I will not let
it go
I will cling to it
I will attach myself to
it
I will breathe this air
again
I will live as much as
I fell I need to
I will not let it go!
I will not bypass it!
I will live it!
I will live!
This is how real this
is to me
I don’t really expect you
to understand
What the last taste of
freedom is
You would first need to
have experienced freedom
And you never did
No one has ever tasted
freedom
Because you can only
realise
What freedom is
The day you lose it
What most people don’t understand
Is how easy it is to
lose freedom
That it can happen on
any day at any time
So fast, you will never
know what you had
But then you will get
into this reality
You will understand
what freedom is
And from now on
Only in your mind will
freedom ever exist
I don’t expect you to
understand
It is such a
complicated thing
And yet such a basic
thing
Freedom, this is all we
are all about
I don’t expect you to
understand
I don’t even understand
why
Why such a concept can
be so meaningless to you
Then again, you have never
lived before
I do not have to worry
though
You will one day
understand that concept
You will one day only
live for that concept
It will then only be in
your mind, it will be your escape
The last taste of
freedom
Is already past
No more will there ever
be such an idea
But in our minds
I don’t really expect
you to understand
What the last taste of
freedom is
You would first need to
have experienced freedom
And you never did
But you are about to
And soon thereafter
It will be gone forever
Only if you let go, so
don’t
A few years ago
I went on holiday in
the
I was so excited!
I stayed in the best
luxurious hotel by the sea
That seemed to have
sprouted out
Right from the middle
of the desert
Visited a few zoos
Seen many parrots and
other weird animals
Admired the palm trees
and the view
Had great sex three times
a day
With my partner I might
add
A miracle in itself
Rented a car and
visited the whole island
Went to the top of the
highest mountain
Climbing over the fog
The snow felt great
Then I went to the bar
Won a drink, any drink
In such a perfect
moment
I thought
Let’s order something I
always wanted to try
I’ll have a Martini!
Oh!
It was so beautiful a
drink
A huge weirdly shaped
glass
Carved on the spot for
me no doubt
All those decorations
Someone had put a lot
of thought and love into this thing
The olive
So out of place
Looked like it belong
there somehow
I thought I was in
paradise
Should I drink it? I
wondered
It would be such a
shame
As this Martini
At this very moment in
time
Is the finest thing I
have ever seen
Let’s have a sip at
least! I thought
And I did
And it was so
disgusting
I thought I was going
to die
I was so perplexed
How can something so
beautiful
Just like life can be
sometimes
Can be so nauseating?
A Martini is a
beautiful thing
A shame it is just revolting
I miss those days
Of when people found
out
You were gay
It was such a juicy
gossip
The news could reach
everyone
Within a whole building
Within five minutes
The news could reach
you’re extended family
All five hundred of
them
All over the planet
Within an hour
People looked at you so
suddenly
In such a different
light
Wow! I would never have
thought!
This is so weird!
Poor kid, his life is
ruined
Look at this freak of
nature!
How can God mess things
up like this?
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to
say
Better avoid the issue
altogether
Let’s pretend
That the monster does
not exist in our midst
I miss those days
Of when being gay
Was a whole statement
about life
All by itself
It didn’t seem there
was anything to say
You just made the
biggest impact
On everyone around you
That you could ever
make
And yet
It was all just by
Being yourself
What a statement!
What an achievement!
Yes!
I am a freak of nature!
Nature made me!
God made me in his
image!
I am your new found
nightmare!
So aberrant, offending,
criminal, sickening
How dare I?
To be who I am?
I should be shot right
here right now!
And that is all I
always wanted anyway
So please, please,
please!
Go ahead!
Put me in a
concentration camp!
Burn me alive in the
oven!
Let’s forget I ever
existed!
I miss those days
When by just being gay
I could be so
provocative
Turn your whole
existence upside down
Send to hell
All your beliefs
All your values
You’re whole way of
life
Frightening you to
death
Panic all over the
place
Just by being me
Just by existing
God knows what I could
do
God knows what sort of
disease I might have
Who knows how I could
screw up
The mind of your lovely
children
Can I annihilate you?
Just by looking at you?
I bet I can
I’m sure I can!
Well
Maybe I can’t
Anymore
Doesn’t matter
That is what being gay
was all about
Being marginal
Different
It would frighten
people to death
It would challenge
everything they believed in
It would prompt them
To do the worst things
anyone thought
A human being could do
It made me so special!
It filled me with joy
Just watching you go
absolutely mad
At this simple idea
That I wanted to fuck
you
Instead of the bitch
next to you
That you always wanted
to fuck
But never succeeded
despite your many attempts
Whilst all she wanted
was for me to fuck her
And of course I
couldn’t
I wanted to fuck you!
Dear dear dear
I should be shot for
this!
I miss those days
Where no artist would
ever admit
Of being homosexual
Such a disease
Because it would mean
the end of their career
No matter how
successful it had been up until now
Today
All artists seem to be
bisexual
Or at least asexual
So fashionable it is to
be gay these days
You could not cling to
the top
If people knew you were
straight
If people knew you were
boring to death
Had nothing special or
different about you
And oh
The big killer
If they knew you were
married
Had children
And had a fucking wife
shouting at you
To clean the damn
dishes
And change the nappies
Yawn!
Let me shoot myself
right now!
Is that what I admired
so much?
Is this the man who
speaks such words?
Who created all of
this?
But how can he?
He is straight isn’t
he?
By definition
That man cannot have
any brain
No creativity
whatsoever
And yet…
Could it be?
That he is nothing
special
And yet, could reach me
in such a way?
I wonder
Must be an impostor
Must be a fraud
Yes, all that, and much
worse
They robbed me of my
identity
Being gay now is like
being like everyone else
We’re all gay now!
To the last one of us
I miss those days
Where not everyone
Was pretending
To be gay
Just so people could
appreciate them
Think they were special
So creative
So perfect
And fall in love with
everything they do
Embrace it as if this
was everything
This world was asking
for and needed
That now
If you’re not gay
You cannot make it
You will not make it
So if you’re not
Better pretend that you
are
Live this shameful
existence
Of hiding who you truly
are
Just a plain straight
guy
Like so many billion
others
With nothing to offer
anyone
With this perception
that you are but useless
And incapable of
anything creative
Or worthy of attention
I can no longer miss
those days
This changes everything
Now, to be provocative
To shock you
To be special and
different
I will have to pretend
That I am straight
Married with kids
That I clean the dishes
That I change nappies
Drugs?
I don’t know anything
about it
Alcohol?
I don’t know anything
about it
Cigarettes?
Oh my God!
I certainly don’t know
anything about it!
I see no other possible
way
For me
To be
What I crave so much
To be
The Marginal
I will have to revert
to being a pussy
A straight pussy of a
man
Leaving the whole world
In complete
indifference
Then
I won’t miss those days
Because this is now
what is
Shocking
This is now what is
Provocative
This is now what is
ought to be
Fashionable
What a statement!
I had a hard look at
you
Once set free
You’ve got wings
You can fly
You can talk
You are as free as the
air
I finally connected the
dots
You must be an angel!
I had a hard look at
you
Such blinding colours!
That white, it is so
white!
That black, it is so
black!
That no monitor could
ever display
We just don’t have the
technology
I finally understand
You must be an angel!
I had a hard look at
you
You are so lovely
You are so lively
So much love you
require
So much love you give
You bright up the whole
area
You made it your own
instantly
Took such an important
place
You have absolutely no
predator
You would eat anyone
alive
You are that powerful
Nothing can kill you
You will live long past
my death
Yet you were born
yesterday
Yet you act like you
own the world
I know now
You are an angel
I had a hard look at
you
Why do you need to
obliterate
Everything that you
come across?
Why is it that your
only purpose in life
Is to shout at the top
of your lungs
Alienate us all
Be so out of control
Jump everywhere
Shit on everything
Shit on me!
And they call me a
freak of nature
It makes sense
You are the angel of
destruction
I had a hard look at
you
I suppose
If no one can tell
If you are a man or a woman
You sure must feel
Only attracted to
yourself
Who is this great
looking angel?
When I look in the
mirror?
Let’s tear it down
Just like I abolished
everything else around here
I get it
You are the angel of
destruction!
You will destroy us all
But you’re such an
angel
You are so attractive
So loveable
We let you do it
With a big smile on our
face
Whilst everything
around us
Crumbles to dust
With no predator
whatsoever
You will annihilate us
all
Just like this pretend
democracy
The angel of
destruction
Whatever is eternal
Whatever can tell so
much
In so little words
Which come so
effortlessly
You just know
Will go across history
Who could call up such
eternity?
Who could command it
and it would come?
Who could programme it
and it would become?
No one
No one is that bright
It must just happen
It just happens!
Such eternal ideas
Such genius
Just happens!
You see it everywhere
What has long gone to
pass
Into everything that we
are
Such ideas
Such eternal ideas
At the core of one
humanity
Are all that we are all
about
It is us
It becomes us
Such ideas
Are not thought by the
masses
They are thought by one
person
And yet
They become everything
we are
Who could plan this?
Who could invent it?
Who could market it?
No one
No one could
It must just happen
It just happens!
Such eternal ideas
Such genius
Just happens!
If you can drink enough
alcohol
If you can sniff enough
dope
If you can inject
enough heroin in there
For it to happen
Then by all means
Drink yourself to death
Sniff yourself to death
Inject yourself to
death
And make it happen!
Create eternity!
Such eternal ideas
Are they not just all
but the same anyway?
Ah!
I’m desperately seeking
something new
Preferably something
not eternal
Eternal ideas
They will be the death
of me
All right
I get that much
You are a philosopher
You are talking about
the existence
Something like that
Yes yes yes
Thank you
I know
I’m simple minded
I can’t write
I cannot express myself
In any kind of
meaningful way
Or in any language
I pretend to be a
philosopher
I pretend to be an
author
I pretend to write
That’s fine
I don’t give a shit
Because it suits me
It makes me happy
I would not have it any
other way
I read what you wrote
I really invested
myself within it
You have no excuse
I have all those
degrees as well
I have studied all that
you have studied
In all those
universities
I have read all those
authors
Just like you did
Somehow
I have become who I am
You have become who you
are
I am simple minded
You are a monster of
intellectuality
To the point
That even myself
With all my degrees
Do not understand what
you are talking about
Isn’t it the problem?
When you start talking
like an encyclopaedia
One will need an
encyclopaedia to understand you?
If he or she can even be
bothered?
Even with all those
degrees
From all those
universities?
When you start using
all those words
I’m afraid
You can only become
meaningless
You end up saying
nothing
You are unreachable
man!
No one can understand
you
Do you have something
to prove?
And to whom?
You should only have
one thing to prove
And whatever that is
It should only be
To yourself
This is the wisest
thing you will ever hear
I suggest
Before you start
writing
Open up a bottle
Drink it
Then maybe
Just maybe
You will make any sense
You will say something
significant
That might actually
change this world
I’m the queer, you’re the queen
Fuck!
What do you expect from
me?
Really?
You thought I could fix
the washing machine?
The super power shower
that never worked?
The fish tank draining
all over the carpet?
The cable every single
cat peed on and that the bird ate?
What?
You think I am a man?
That I will fix the
fridge and the oven for you?
And why not the whole
electric box while we are at it?
Do you think I can
build a new house?
Or go to war?
I’m just a queer!
I look good beside
mindless celebrities
I say clever things
socially whenever people get bored
I will save any evening
from utter self-destruction
I will shine like no
lemon ever shined
But I know nothing
about plumbing!
I am no electrician!
I am not an engineer!
I am no soldier!
I cannot build a dog
house!
I’m just a queer
I make millions
creating things
All but in my own mind
I just make millions
entertaining
Lost souls who don’t
know better
I’m just somehow
recreating the world as I go along
Redefining all that we
are all about
Giving the whole of
humanity
A reason to exist
Do you expect me to re-construct
the damn place?
I’m just a queer!
I am not capable of any
of those things
I am just so much more
capable
Of just about anything
else
That you will never
even realise
That I will always be
for you
Just but a queer
Don’t expect me to replace
the light bulb
Or to rebuild the
starter motor
Fuck the light bulb!
Fuck the starter motor!
They’ve been broken for
decades
No one was ever able to
fix them properly
You expect me to fix
them just like that?
By thought alone?
I will not fix them
But
You can expect just
about anything else from me
I’m a queer after all
There is no limit
And now let’s see what
else I can accomplish
All but in my mind
I will re-create this
world!
No…
I will not pick up the dog shit
How so easily
You can bring me back
To such realities
Will always amaze me
Are you sure you’re a queer?
To me
You sound just like the
queen
You can only bring constipation
To the whole world
Oh my
What a great
contribution!
When for posterity
Your name
Will be synonym
Forever
Of
Constipation!
I’m not that sad
I’m just a queer
I’m incapable of
anything
Just leave me alone
While you go on and
rebuild this place
Which is just washing
away
To hell
Such a great kingdom it
was
Let’s see if you can do
better
Than a queer
My dear queen
One way
or another, we will be free
For a second there
You really thought
You could stop me
By charging me
With all but nothing
Just invention
Just like it is
When living
Under such tyranny
At that last second
You wondered
What am I thinking?
Do I really want to go
through with this?
Make such a precedent?
Enter this world
Where one simple
thought
Can become such a
danger
That it needs to be
declared guilty by trial?
And sent to prison for
eternity?
Might as well admit it
then
What you truly are
As the prosecution
The almighty
Thought police
Which will bring order
A new order
A new world order
Of the such
Never seen before
There are only two ways
a trial can crack
Either I change my plea
from not guilty to guilty
Or you drop the case
Offering no evidence
Somehow you always wait
till the very last second
Before the trial starts
Hoping I will change my
plea to guilty
But you don’t
understand
You will never
understand
Freedom cannot be
negotiated
Rights cannot be
negotiated
It leads to civil war
And you better believe
it
We are ready for that
No matter how ready you
think you are
You are not
History tells us that
much
Humanity always
prevails
Just push it a little bit
further
And see what happens
You believe I am on
trial
Humanity is on trial
And humanity cannot
plead guilty
Humanity can only be
right
There was only one way
this trial would crack
It was for you to come
forward
And admit that there
was no evidence against humanity
You might have hurt me
in the process
You might have hurt
humanity in the process
It remains that
I am not guilty
Humanity is not guilty
We never were to begin
with
You are guilty
And you will pay
Time to celebrate!
It is a cracked trial!
This is a new day!
I am free!
You are free!
We are all free!
Let’s enjoy life!
Let’s enjoy freedom!
The very one we thought
we lost
We will never lose
freedom
Because it can only
lead to a cracked trial
If not then
It’s called a civil war
One way or another
We will be free
Just push it a little
bit further
And see what happens
One way or another
We will be free
She bites
And she bites
And she bites again
And she will never let
go
One comment
One word
One facial expression
One thought
Sends her into a spin
She will now
Talk to everyone
Call everyone
Organise a summit on
the subject
Until I am totally and
absolutely defeated
Until there is nothing
left of me but my shame
Until I find myself
thrown out on the street forever
She bites
And she bites
And she bites again
And she will never let
go
Sometimes I wonder
Do I enjoy it?
Do I do it on purpose?
Can I just not help
myself?
Such a desire of
self-destruction
Such foolish actions I
can’t take back
I deserve everything
that’s coming to me
Every time
Because I cannot be
more intelligent than her
Because I cannot be
more reasonable than her
Because I cannot be
more than her
I must be brainless
She bites
And she bites
And she bites again
And she will never let
go
One day this will have
to end
Something will happen
Something will break
Someone will crack
One day this will be
over
I will choose to walk
away
She will choose for me
to walk away
I will gain back my
freedom
I just hope that before
then
I will keep my dignity
I will keep my
integrity
I will avoid doing
something I’ll regret
One day…
She bites
And she bites
And she bites again
And she will never let
go
I sent her into a spin
again
Love and Hate so much
Oh can I so
Show so much compassion
Oh can I so
Love so much
Oh can I so
Understand so
completely
But oh so
Remain so insensitive
But oh so
Care so little
But oh so
Hate so much
At the same time
I feel for you
I pain for you
I ache for you
I love you
I pity you
I help you
I am here for you
At the same time
I feel for myself
I am in pain
I ache all over
I hate myself
I die in self-pity
I cannot help myself
No one’s here for me
I wish I could aid the
planet
I can’t even aid myself
I wish I could save the
world
I am beyond saving
myself
How can I transform
this world
I can’t even change my
nature
Is there something I
can do for you?
When there’s nothing I
can do for myself?
If it’s the same for
everyone
And I feel it’s the
same for everyone
I wonder
If we are doomed
You have gone through
so much
I have gone through so
much
I wonder
If we are beyond hope
At the same time
Oh can I so
Love so much
But oh so
Hate so much
Please
Let me move aside
So I do not stop your
great ascension to the top
So you can get all that
you truly always wanted
So you can have all the
power ever to be
So you can become as
rich as you always dreamt of
I was not aware
I did not understand up
until now
I don’t know what I was
doing
I was in the way
I was stopping you
I was a threat
I hadn’t realised how
desperate you were
To be honest
I don’t really care
You are quite welcome
to be as desperate as you want
But when this ascension
to the top
Is made at my expense
and suffering
It is
When I have to get in
the way
When I have to stop you
When I have to become a
threat
When I have to destroy
you
I am well aware now
I do understand
I know what I am doing
I am in the way
I will stop you
I am a threat
I will destroy you
I understand how
desperate you are
Somehow
I don’t think you are
fit for this
I don’t think you
should get to the top
I think you are one of
the worst kinds
That if you get there
We will all suffer for
eternity
There will be a war
It will end in
bloodshed
That is how desperate
you are
And that is why
I need to be as
desperate as you are
In preventing you
From amounting to
anything
I think this city is
looking for street cleaners
I think it would suit
you very well
This is how desperate
you are
To reach the top
This is how desperate I
am
To prevent you from reaching
it
Power should never be
given
To the ones who want it
Power should be given
to the ones
Who never request it
Power should be given
to the ones
Who most deserve it
Then no one should
stand in their way
This is how desperate
we are
I don’t think you
understand
How powerful all this
is
I’m not sure I was
aware myself
How powerful all this
is
Words
Ideas
It goes out there
It has its impact
It hits many people
A whole generation
And yet it was so
personal
It was meant ultimately
to hit only one
But it has power
It has energy
It has meaning
So much meaning
It can change someone’s
life
And yet it is so
elusive
So immaterial
You wonder if it exists
at all
How can something
So inexistent
Becomes
Everything that exists?
I am cold
So cold
Facing this world
Unable to agree on
anything
Which means anything
Is there anything that
means anything?
How can there be so
many
Unable to see
All that I see
All that I feel
All that I feel this
world is
All that I feel this
world could be?
And yet
Undeniable
This is powerful
So powerful
I’m not sure
I could exist
Without it
I couldn’t
I understand now
How powerful all this
is
I know now
Whilst it is nothing
Nothing is more
powerful than this
I’m out and so
should you
Whatever
I don’t care
What is it?
I don’t care
Ah!
I’m sorry
It means nothing to me
What are you talking
about?
I can’t hear
I don’t want to
I am tired
I can no longer listen
I can no longer
consider
I cannot think
What is this again?
How can you even
Waste whatever on this
I’m not sure
I’m no longer sure
I’m here
I exist
If I even want to
Not capable process
Plan
If it’s worth
Can’t finish
Sorry
Not worth
I’m out
I was never in to begin
with
So
I’m out
And so should you
Oh
Again I find myself
At a point
Where I cannot find
meaning in anything
How hard I search
How hard I look
How hard I think
How hard I imagine
Nowhere can I find
anything
Making any sense
Anything meaningful
That could give a
purpose
To one’s existence
I so easily reach the
point
Where I do not eat
anymore
Where I never go to
sleep anymore
Where I simply do not
live anymore
Because I cannot see
the point
Is it possible?
That truly
There could be
No meaning to anything?
I feel so
So often
Wondering
What if it was so
Sometimes I feel like
never do anything again
Sometimes I feel like
letting go of everything
Sometimes I feel the
need to push it to the limits
Just to see if perhaps
it could bring something, anything
Some meaning to one’s
life
I’m afraid
I can only find
No meaning in anything
Then I am back to zero
It’s a reset
Time to forget
everything I may have come up with
To enhance this
existence
Everything I invented
to make it bearable
And now
Where do I start?
What else could one
invent to survive?
I think we’re running
out of ideas
I think we’ve reached
the point
Where we will have to
accept it
There’s no meaning to
anything
Back to full
existential crisis mode
There is no way out
Always stuck at the
same point
Always repeating the
same thing in loops
All the misery of one’s
life
Shit
Is there not one
bastard
On this whole planet
That will bring me an
answer?
Is there not one
bastard
On this whole world
Who will save me?
Who will save us?
Six billion of you all
clueless
Only one of me
Trying to figure it out
all out?
If we are still
searching by now
There is no hope
Let it go
Give up
There is no meaning to
anything
Is this what you
believe we should do?
Is this what you feel
should be done?
Have we reached the
end?
I wonder
We do seem to be
repeating the same loop
We do not appear to be
evolving at all
History does repeat
itself
Over and over and over
again
I wonder
Is there any hope for
us?
Or is there truly
No meaning to anything?
I’m sorry
This is just not
acceptable
Get a grip!
Turn around!
Find some meaning!
Invent some meaning!
I don’t care what!
No longer should we
repeat that loop
No longer should
history repeat itself
There is meaning in
everything
We just have to find it
Invent it if necessary
Create it if we need to
We will get there!
In everything
There is a new meaning
This is a new beginning
I am not alone here
Or am I?
Let’s get to work
Let’s start to think
Let’s start to create
this world
There can be a new
meaning in everything!
We will make it happen!
For so long
All I could think of
Was that I couldn’t
survive without you
No scratch that
I knew I would survive
no matter what
I just could not make
such a decision
Especially if I didn’t
need to
After all
I’m so comfy here
I don’t pay rent, do I?
Well I do indirectly
But could I afford
going it alone?
And what would happen
to you?
You would be so lost
As your whole existence
depends so much upon me
I know you’re dyslexic
Incapable of doing
anything on your own
Or else, it takes
forever
So you don’t bother
And why bother when I
can do it for you?
I understand now
You are more capable
than I gave you credit for
You may be dyslexic
It may take you a while
You can still survive
With the help of your
mum
That great mum of yours
Who’s been looking
after you since the very beginning
And to whom you have
been so loyal
However
I do not need to be so
loyal myself to your mum
She will take care of
you
Whilst I’m gone
We will survive
Life will go on
Now
If I could just make
that decision
And stop hoping for
solutions to fall from the sky
One day
I will just have to act
I will have to make
that decision
Declare independence
And move on
Somehow I know we will
be just fine
You don’t need me
I don’t need you
All we have done for so
long
Is to shout at each
other
And I am tired
So tired
I’m sure you are as
well
Let’s call a break
Let’s go our separate
ways for a while
See how it goes
We can always come back
together one day
Though
In the back of my mind
I’m afraid
Once it’s over, it’s
over
No way will I ever come
back
After such a traumatic
experience
I came back once
I lived to regret it
Never again
Will I ever
Let anyone
Control me like this
I’m not your bitch!
Find another bitch to
shit on!
Fucking bastard!
For so long I have suffered
your verbal abuse!
I had enough of you!
And I’m sure
Once I’m gone
You will feel pleased
I don’t think you ever
truly loved me
Even though you claim
you love me to death
And would defend me no
matter what
You may look like
you’re strong
I think you’re weak
As weak as you look
All you need is one
punch in the face
And suddenly you will
crumble to dust
Then we will know
wouldn’t we
How weak and fragile
you are
Not that I feel that
strong myself
At least I do not
pretend to be that strong
I’m just realistic
I know my limits
And I need my freedom
That I know
I need my independence
Never can I forget
This hell you made me
suffer
Still to this day
Despite all these great
memories
We have acquired
together
I’m sorry
We cannot build the
future on great memories
We can only build the
future on liberty
One day I will tell you
that I had enough
One day I will pick up
my things and go
One day I will leave
you
I might not be ready
yet
But it’s in the making
It will happen
And that day
My God
The sky will be the
limit!
No scratch that
There will be no limit
I will declare
independence!
Only read into it
what it tells you
This is all about my
own personal life
Nothing more
And yet
How ironic it is
That you could read so
much more into it
That I never meant to
say
Ironic and wonderful
This is what this all
about
That it can tell you
something different
Than what I initially
stated
No matter why I said it
in the first place
Or how it came to be
Forget it
Forget what it is that
you think
I was trying to say
Or where I may have started
from
Only keep what is
meaningful to you
Only keep what you
think
This is all about
And go no further
This is why I am so
vague
This is why I am not
that direct
So it can be meaningful
In many ways
To you
This is what this is
all about
Only read into it what
it tells you
What if
You had already
experienced it all
What if
You had already seen it
all
What if
There was nothing more
to expect from life
Is this it then?
Is it possible
That this world is so
small
That you already went
around it many times
Watching TV
And then
There’s nothing left
for you to experience?
To explore?
To live?
Are we ready to die
then?
There does not seem
much more left to do
We have after all
Seen it all before
Heard it all before
It’s the same thing all
over
I’ve been there, I’ve
done that
And yet
Have you really been
there?
Have you really done
that?
Or is it all just make-belief?
Most of us don’t even
go anywhere
We cannot afford it
Is this it then?
All that we will live
for?
No
This cannot be
I have such high
expectations from life
I need to see it all
first hand
I need to pack my bag
and go
With no money
With no regrets
Just go!
I need to get out of
here!
I need to see the
world!
I need to meet people
I want to hear what
they have to say
If anything
This is not it
I have seen a lot
already
It is not enough
I need to see it all
I need to experience it
all
First hand
Broadening my horizons
As I go along
I need to form my own
conclusions
I don’t need a narrator
to tell me
What this is all about
What needs to be
thought about this
What it means to me
If I were to experience
it myself
Is this it then?
Are we ready to die?
Without even having
seen the world?
It is such a small
world
A small minded one at
that
How could I even think
Of dying
Without having seen it
all?
Dreaming of other
universes
Without even being
aware
Of the very one I live
in
Is this it then?
I don’t think so
I will see the world
before I die
I’m packing my bag
right now
That’s it
I’m off again
To the stars
Throughout the universe
And I may never be back
All that we can really expect
from life
Is this it?
I don’t think so
I am out of here!
I can do whatever I
want
Whenever I want
There is no limit!
I will break all
boundaries!
I will reach higher
than we thought was possible
I will see all that
there is to see and beyond
I will get out of this
universe altogether
I will then create my
own universe
So I can continue to
expand without limits
Somehow I will!
I am that enlightened!
I’m free!
Life is
the search for the perfect title
Life is this search for
the perfect title
The status that comes
with it
The money that comes
with it
The power that comes
with it
The admiration and envy
that comes with it
The search for one’s
identity
Owner
President
Managing Director
(Enter your job title
here)
Doctor
Husband
Father
Human being
And it is so ironic
That of all these
titles
I will never have one
I will never own
anything
I will never be a
President or a MD
I was never able to
keep a job
I will do no PhD
I am not allowed to be
a husband
I cannot be a father
Dear me, am I even a
human being?
It does not really
matter
I would not want any of
these titles
Even if they were
forced upon me
In fact, I am ready to
fight it
I do not want any of
these titles
They are meaningless
And they certainly do
not come for free
They come with a
nightmare attached to them
I would think I would
at least wish to be a human being
But after witnessing
what this world was all about
It would be cruel
indeed
To call me a human
being
I have seen what humans
do
I have no desire to
have that title
So where does this leave
me?
Who am I?
What am I?
Anything but anything
that already exists
In fact
I am nothing
No title whatsoever
Just like it feels
right to me
For most
Perhaps life is just
this frantic search
For the perfect title
And everything that
comes with it
For me
Life is this fright
That one day
Someone who thinks he
or she is wise
Will finally stick a
title to me
And that this title
might
Accompany me to my
death
For eternity
I am not an author
I do not have anything
in common with any author
I am not a human being
I do not have anything
in common with humanity
I have no title
I do not want one
And if more people were
like me
I don’t know
Perhaps this world
Would be a better place
I am nothing
I do not count
You are nothing
You do not count
It is just a question
of time
Before you understand
this
And the day you
understand it
There will be hope for
this world
Because that day
You will react
You will wake up
I understand
How unconceivable this
is
And yet
Read it again
It makes perfect sense
No doubt it sounds
extreme
No doubt it’s too late
to change anything
But is it really too
late?
A slight change in the
perception
A slight change in the
attitude
Might make a huge
difference
We’re no titles
In fact, titles are
very ephemeral in nature
You usually lose them
As quickly as you
acquire them
And where does that
leave you?
Lost indeed
With no sense of
purpose
We’re all the same
We are one
And as repulsive as
this may sound
We still have to
survive somehow
No title should get you
anything
No title is worth anything
At the base
In the end
We’re all the same
Human beings
Struggling to survive
And somehow
We will survive
No matter what
We are human
And that is all we are
Your thoughts become
your world
Your thoughts become
your world
I would not declare
such a statement
If I did not feel it
was true
If I was not completely
certain
That it was the truth
But there you are
Whatever you think of
Becomes your reality
Your experience
Your life
I could not even begin
to explain how
Or even why
It certainly throws a
spin
On anything we thought
we knew
About this world
And yet it is a fact
Whatever you think
Creates this world
And it is much easier
To change this reality
By will alone
Than you could ever
have suspected
Try it
You will soon be
convinced
Whatever you want
Convince yourself
It will happen
Whatever you want
If you truly want it
You will get it
Try it
It works so well
It leaves you wondering
What this place is
really all about
And what is the real
meaning of this existence
And what is really
This universe we live
in
Now you understand why
My existential crisis
simply multiplied
I have experienced it
first hand
I do know what I am
talking about
You can even change
your past
You can even change the
past
Of the whole humanity
This is how powerful
you truly are
And yet
If you are that
powerful
There must be a catch
And that catch is
You must be alone in
this whole world
You must be the only
consciousness in existence
You are alone in this
whole universe
That you created
And that you continue
to create
As you go along
This should be a
breakthrough for you
Right now
If not
Then
Forget it
Just continue to do
whatever it is that you are doing
I suppose it is not
necessary
For anyone
To understand anything
about this world
In order to live and
die
Happily or not
Perhaps you are not
alone after all
In this world
Perhaps it is filled
with other people
All creating the world
As they think
And only the ones
Knowing about it
And capable of thinking
And changing the world
By thought alone
Are truly creating this
world
And you are just an
innocent bystander
Whilst you could be so
much more
Without the need
To acquire any real
power or any worthy title
By thought alone you
can change this world
Simply by wishing it
and convincing yourself
That this is how it
should be
That this is how it is
I don’t know
All I know
Is that I can change
this world at will
That I create this
world
I don’t know if you also
create it within mine
Or if you are simply
creating your own
All I know
Is that this world is
fickle
Nothing is set
Neither the past
Neither the future
And it can be created
at will
And if you truly
believe that
You will create it at
will
And somehow
This is disturbing
I can’t explain it
It would require such a
shift
In our understanding
Of what this world is
all about
When truly
This world could very
well be
Nothing more but a
virtual world
Brought about by a
computer
The computer that is
our brain
And then this creation
This world
This universe
Becomes nothing more
Than one possible
configuration
Out of an infinite amount
of possible configurations
And that any of these
configurations
As long as we believe
that we can bring them about
Can instantly become
our reality
Explain that without
becoming completely mad
And yet this is where I
am
This is my conclusion
so far about this world
If I can even call it
that
So when I tell you that
there is no limit
That you can achieve
whatever you want
I am not just joking or
pretending
I know you can
As soon as you convince
yourself that you can
Somehow it does not
make me feel better
Because in order to
explain why this is so
I would need to
redefine
Just about everything
about this world
And yet I must, I will,
I have
Somehow it does not
make me feel better
I still understand
nothing about this world
Where is the dog!
At my feet
Where is the head of
the dog?
On my right
Let’s go outside
You have 30 more
seconds
To do whatever it is
that you need to do
Before we go back in
What is that noise?
Preventing you from
doing your business?
Darling!
It is only a
At 3 in the morning
Coming from
Going to
Via
That’s all!
That’s all?
If that is not proof
enough
That this reality is
simply not real
I wonder what more
proof I would require
Perhaps it would be to
replace the bus
With a palm tree from
the San Fernando Valley in
Could be the Metro in
Some park in
Soho in
Well, all that is
missing now
Is
And it would be
complete
Everything I wanted
I got
Seen
And the list go on
So much so
I am now blasé
Do not want to leave
Was that really all
that I truly wanted?
And got it?
And what I want now
I’m very close to
getting?
I can feel it
It’s around the corner
Absolute freedom
To do whatever I want
Whenever I want
With absolute happiness
Peace at last
It’s laughable
It was so easy
Even though it was
meant to look difficult and horrible
I have to admit
I got everything I wanted
from this life
Just like that
And what seems even
worse
I may have imagined all
these places
I may have invented
them in the first place
I may have created this
whole world
And none of it is real
I feel cheated
Is this a case where
Ignorance is bliss?
Yes I will get
everything I want from life
Yes you can get
everything you want from life
The price is
The realisation
That none of it is real
Is it a small price to
pay?
Or an unacceptable one?
I wonder…
I wish I could
See myself
In you
A glimpse of who I am
I thought about it
No
We have nothing in
common
Cannot recognise myself
in any of you
I may seem alive
L’instant d’un moment
Down the pub
Drinking to kingdom
come
For a while
It may seem like
I recognise myself in
you
I’m afraid
I’m faking it
I’m pretending to be
like you
I am so happy
Whilst inside
I am simply dying
Astonished at how
different we are
I agree
I am far gone
I am insane
Totally disconnected
from reality
However
I wonder
How else could one ever
survive in this world
How could anyone look
at them all
And gladly say with a
smile
I am like them
I recognise myself
completely in all of them
Deep down
I thought there was
something wrong with me
I believe now
There is something
wrong with you
For so long
I just wanted to melt
away in the crowd
Be one of the lads
Hoping no one would
notice me
But then
I might as well be dead
Just like you all seem
dead to me
And happy to be so
Have you all somehow
suffered
Some extraordinary
brainwashing
Some remarkable
conditioning
And someone forgot to
give me the same treatment?
What you see, I cannot
see
What I see, you cannot
see
I cannot explain why
Or how this is possible
Was I born so
different?
What went wrong?
Do we speak the same
language?
Are we the same
species?
Are we living on the
same planet?
Do we even have one
thing in common?
I do not recognise
myself in any of you
I bet you do recognise
yourself in everyone else
I am truly alone in
this world
I might as well be
alone for real
It doesn’t matter
That I do not know
Where I am heading
Or where the way is
I’ll show you the way
All the way there
You can put your hands
into mine
You can trust me
entirely
It doesn’t matter
That I don’t know where
to go
I’ll show you the way
All the way there
Does it not suffice
That I show you confidence?
That it seems
I know where I am
going?
I’ll show you the way
All the way there
Somehow
Even though
I seem more lost
Than you are
I’ll show you the way
All the way there
You cannot trust
yourself
You cannot trust anyone
You might as well trust
me
We’re both lost
We’ll show each other
the way
All the way there
There are many ways
Leading there
I think I have found a
way
Perhaps you have found
a way
Let’s show each other
the way
All the way there
I’ll show you the way
All the way there
You’ll show me the way
All the way there
And somehow
We will get there
I only feel the need
To teach you
Because
No teacher could teach
this
I wish there was
I wish someone taught
me
However
It seems
I moved beyond
everything
So much so
No teacher could teach
this
I have no desire
To become your teacher
It could only be
meaningless
As you can only reach
so far
As you feel like
You can only reach so
far
As your imagination
will let you
And if you go that far
And you will go that
far
There will be only one
teacher left
To teach you
Where you are
What this is all about
That teacher
Is yourself
You are alone on your
learning curve
No one can teach you
anything
If they pretend to
You know it is meaningless
If it is not
meaningless
You have not lived
enough
You need to get out
there
And live
Beyond anything anyone
can teach you
You do not need a
teacher
The only teacher you
will ever have
Is yourself
If it is not so
You missed the point
Of what existence was
all about
Go back there
Live to the max
And get to the point
Where
No teacher could teach
this
My life
My existence
All that I am about
All that I have
experienced
No teacher can teach
this
It is the same for you
No teacher can teach
life
Only yourself
Can teach yourself
What life is
So
Get creative!
So
Get to live!
What are you waiting
for?
To learn to live in
some university somewhere?
From a loser teacher
you will never see again?
A teacher who did not
know
The most basic thing
About creating
something
About feeling alive?
Get out there!
Create your life!
Anything! Everything!
Go mad, go crazy!
Live to the point where
No one could teach you
anything!
This is what life is
all about!
Lose control!
Forget where you are!
Who you are!
Just live!
Only yourself can teach
yourself anything
Only yourself can teach
yourself everything
No teacher will ever
teach you anything
No teacher could ever
teach life
So
Get creative!
So
Get to live!
I’m full
So full of bullshit
I don’t know where to
start anymore
I have so much to say
To denounce
To bang your head with
All that is wrong with
you
With all that you do
Where do I start?
There is no structure!
The more structure you
feel there is
The more chaos there is
More rules and regulations!
More laws!
More of just about
everything!
Can only lead
To utter destruction
As we’re going
completely wild
In the background
Trying to figure out
What this life is all
about
Where do I start?
One more rule
And I swear
I’ll just break
everything around here
Is this it then?
Is this the only way
out?
Do we have to be The Marginals
Rejecting just about
everything
In order to have a
pretend existence?
And have a chance to
freedom and happiness?
Is this what it takes?
While you are incapable
to stop
Making more rules?
And turn them into
laws?
Are you the only blind
man on this planet
Incapable of seeing the
chaos you bring us?
Where do I start?
One more rule
And I swear
I’ll just smash
everything around here
Enforcing that law is
where it begins
It is one thing to
write stupid laws
That no one wants
It is another to
enforce them
To such an extreme
It becomes meaningless
It makes you question
existence
And if it is worth it
at all
To even be alive in
this world
None of us are
criminals
The logical conclusion
is
You must be a criminal
Where do I start?
You say I cannot go
out?
I say I can and I will
You say I cannot do
this?
I say I will do this no
matter what
It is forbidden to do
this
I say it is natural and
I will do it
You say I will pay for the
consequences
No I won’t!
Because you will
understand
How futile all of these
rules are
And that no one in
their right mind
Could follow any of
them
You’re neurotic!
You’re a freak!
Fuck off!
Where do I start?
One more rule
And I swear
I’ll just shatter everything
around here
Why don’t you just
leave us alone?
Why don’t you just let
us breathe?
Why don’t you just get
out of here
And never come back?
No one asked you to be
here
No one wants you here
All those rules and
regulations
None of us wanted them
Why do you even exist?
Is there a need for you
around here?
Because no one can see
that need
What you do for a
living
Is useless
It is not required
Once you’re gone
We will all cheer
No matter how you ended
up there in the first place
So why don’t you just
retire?
Where do I start?
One more rule
And I swear
I’ll just destroy
everything around here
One more rule
One more regulation
And I might just go
totally berserk
And kill just about
everyone around me
And I feel I am but one
Amongst millions who
feel the same
So back off!
Start un-ruling!
Start un-regulating!
Before it is too late!
Before it get’s out of
control!
Before we start
committing suicide!
So
Where do you start?
One more rule
And I swear
I will shoot you!
I don’t need more rules
I need to live!
Literally
You have no idea
What it is to live in
the gutter
You have never lived in
the gutter
Selling newspapers on
the streets of
You never will
Touch wood
You have no idea!
What it is to be a
woman
What it is to be fat
To be one of the uglies
Whilst living in
Where beauty is the
only meaning
To one’s existence
Being the fat girl
everyone rejects
All her life
Because she just does
not fit in
You have no idea
Where this sort of life
can lead
Everyone of you is to
blame
You are responsible
For letting it happen
To permit it to happen
And then
The gutter
It seems
Becomes
The only place I can
live
For years and decades
and millennia
For me to get a grip on
reality
To get back to it
somehow
Even though I have four
university degrees
It does not seem to
matter
Knowledge is nothing to
this world
When you are a woman
You are still nothing
What does matter in
this world?
Apart from the gutter?
Where I feel at home?
Yet unable to escape?
I truly wonder
Do I have to become a
whore?
I had to when I lived
in
Do I have to
Be raped every day by
my husband
Be strangled a bit more
every day
Until the very day I
die?
And become a ghost on
the banks of the
Again and again and
again?
Till I have nothing
left but the sewers to live in
Where I feel I belong
Where I feel I must end
up
Every time!
The truth is
I prefer the sewers
I prefer the gutter
To your way of life
To whatever you
represent
I cannot be part of any
of this
I have no wish to be
part of any of this
I will always remain
That fat ugly girl
Who simply will never
fit in
And now
Who does not wish to
fit in anymore
And yet
When you will find
yourself in dire straight
It will be I
Who will rescue you
I am ugly
A fat one
A rejected one
This is my force
It is a blessing
I was born with my eyes
opened
I was born with a full
understanding
Of everything
I get you man!
I get you to the core!
I know you so well!
I know you better than
you know yourself!
I know where this leads
I know your future
As we have been through
this
Over and over and over
again
And always it ends the
same way
Can you not predict it?
Would you choose that
life
If you knew where it leads?
I would choose that
life
I will every time
Because it defines me
It defines everything
that I am
Everything that I am
doing
And everything that I
will do
I now have an army
Together we will save
humanity
No matter how many
times we will try
To save you from
yourself
We will eventually
Save the world!
I am in direct
communication with God
He has given me a
mission
To make you understand
What this universe is
all about
What your purpose
within it is
What having a soul
actually means
What evil you need to
identify and fight
And that no saviour
will come to save you
As only you can save
yourself
I will tell you
Where you have been
before
Where you are going now
What is about to happen
Nothing less than
The end of the world
But then
There is more
New Heaven
It will last
For thousand and thousand
of years
And you need to
remember it all
I am that fat ugly girl
No one wants to know
about
That no one wants to
listen to
I have a message
It is a message from
God
And you better listen
to wisdom
I have been living in
the gutter all my life
And yet
I am the last The Marginal
I am the ultimate queen
The last prophetess
ever
And when I say
something
It is God speaking
So you better listen
And start to act
Now!
I am
That fat ugly girl
Who is nothing
I am
The last The Marginal
Who will save us all
I feel like having a
cigarette
Right here, right now
I feel like pulling the
alarm
Right here, right now
I feel like telling
them all to fuck off
Right here, right now
I don’t give a shit
That it is not allowed
Let them prosecute me
Let them sack me
Let them
Right here, right now
It does not seem to
matter
That I work so hard
It doesn’t matter
That I am good at my
job
Does it matter?
If I kill myself for
them?
I no longer care
If it is not allowed
For me
It is now allowed
It is the right thing
to do
Right here, right now
I don’t care that it is
not allowed
For me everything is
allowed
I feel unconcerned
By whatever you feel
concerned about
I don’t think you could
understand
Just how disconnected I
am
I see your life
Your existence
Your little possessions
This nest you built for
yourself
It means nothing to me
I understand just how
I do not have a life
How I am not part of
this world
Where have I been?
How did I get to this
point?
For all those years
I must have been living
in my mind
Desperate to actually
live somehow
Outside of anything
that actually exists
I feel unconcerned
We are different, so
different
I might as well be an
alien to you
Though to me you are
just like everyone else
Sometimes I envy you
I wished I could be
worried like you are
About such futilities
I have been through
this
Like decades ago
I no longer go through
any of this
Even when I am right
there in the middle of it
I am detached from
everything
Nothing affects me
anymore
I can’t feel something
real
Though, sometimes, I
wish I could
I feel unconcerned
Perhaps I pushed it too
far
Perhaps I have
brainwashed myself
Against everything this
life had to offer
That I no longer touch
the ground
That I can no longer
Live
Enjoy simple moments
Wasting time doing
nothing
Contemplating the
universe
Just to die in a deep
sleep right after
Feeling better somehow
I feel unconcerned
I am completely
alienated
I am now immune to life
How did I get to this
point?
I am already dead
However
I know that much
I feel more alive than
you will ever feel
They come from
everywhere
Right out of nowhere
Right in the middle of
the night
All those righteous
people
Who know everything
Who know best
Who will tell you all
that is right
And all that is wrong
Oh yes, they will be
convincing